Call Me Captain Caveman: AS & The Caveman Theory

I was recently looking at the Neanderthal Theory of Evolution how caveman acted and what the driving forces were behind their behavior.  I recalled that some AS test had many of the same premises and I began to wonder why. I enjoyed laughing to myself as I said 'yes' to many of the questions listed. But, the one thing that separated Cro-Magnons from Neanderthals, intelligence, I do have an answer for. It's called learning and adaptation and the old saying "Mind over matter".

A couple of the questions (and I realize the list isn't perfect) that address sensitivity to heat, cold, wind and/or changes in air-pressure, humidity etc , difficulty with throwing and catching a ball and whether or not I notice small sounds that others don't, feel pained by loud or irritating noise (but only the second part of that last question matters here) and ability or lack thereof of fine motor skills. Before I start I would like to say that the whole comparison makes sense. I am not sure, but I feel, by my own intuition, that there is an upper as well as lower functioning parts of the brain at work in people on the autism spectrum. The amygala, the little almond shaped things that are in all vertebrate brains is enlarged in people with any type of autism. This clearly explains why I feel a definite 'fight-or-flight response' in many situations. This can be shown as anxiety or nervous looking around the room upon entering. If you were to put a woman that I was unfamiliar with, and I daresay an attractive woman, then my brain goes a little haywire. This all depends on a number of things and just meeting a female for me is fine, pending I have no sexual desire for her or we previously know one another. A stranger at a bar, forget about it. I'd rather sit there and drink alone rather than talk to her, and this isn't because I'm not into her; rather the opposite, but my fear of breaking the social ice and anxiety of rejection, embarrassment in public and mumbling all keep me from doing so. How else do you think I have remained single all these years (and no, I am not proud of that, the opposite in fact. Besides the whole female thing, there are ways I can tell you how I overcame the response that my amygdalas try very hard to initiate.

Starting with the first one I have to say that in season, I don't mind extreme heat or cold. I always wear pants outside, no matter what temperature it is. This stems from necessity in my workshop and the fact that molten silver/gold touching your bare leg doesn't feel to good (I have been doing this for years and wear a leather apron/gloves so don't worry about my safety). The only weather that bothers me is a fifty degree day in December or thirty in April. The sudden shock can be overcome. Right now its around 30-40F and most days I subject myself to a 105F Bikram Yoga room for ninety minutes. I even feel a breeze in there now and again; although some think that may be ghosts in the old mill building its housed in. In that class I have my spot in front of everyone else, except the rest of the row, right up in front next to the mirror. I'm one of the better ones there but Stephanie still puts me to shame most days. The heat didn't take much to get over and just hydrating before class helps a lot.

As for difficulty throwing and catching a ball, well you can say I defied that one many times over, but I think I had a little help with that, in more ways then one. I was always good at baseball, from five years old and up. Most other sports I'm not good at, but only because I never put the time in. Before high school I did have a pitching coach I went to each week and he taught me how to really throw. That was money well spent. I didn't just do OK, I was a conference all star senior year of high school and I went on to play baseball in college at UMass Lowell. As far as D2 school go it is one of the premier schools in the NE-10 Conference. I was a pitcher and my fastball velocity was 84-87mph with 88 as a top out. If I was taller than 5'5'' and 165lbs I probably could have gone somewhere better, as college coaches take size over heart in most cases. I loved playing in an actual stadium at Lowell and wouldn't change a thing about my college experience, baseball wise. The thing about getting loose in the bullpen vs being in a game was the introduction of adrenaline to my system. I figured what I am about to say after I was done playing. I wouldn't begin throwing my hardest until I either heard the pop of the catcher mitt or, and I think this one was more important in terms of stimuli response, a batter fouled a ball off. In the conference we played in it was wooden bat. I guess I should call it the 'connecting sound' when the ball I threw was made contact with released a flood of adrenaline into my system. My velocity went up 8-10 mph very quickly and I could sustain that through the rest of the game. I am not entirely sure adrenaline can last that long but I guess it can when it needs to. Being 'locked in' for a couple hours, especially in a team atmosphere is very draining and its a wonder I could do it at all. I still can, most likely but I'd need to get my arm back in shape before trying to throw off a mound again.

As for being sensitive to small sounds and loud annoying ones,I have come to terms with that, too. I notice just about everything and if anything is changed my brain has little trouble distinguishing what has been altered. I take that as a defense mechanism type thing. If you get a haircut I'll be all over it. I'm not sure if loud sounds used to annoy me but I am fine with them now. That came from conditioning myself to either block them out or, put bluntly, not be a little bitch about it. One thing I have learned is that you never know what is going to happen next, so be alert and ready for anything, anything.

As far as fine motor skills go, well, I'm in the process of training to be a goldsmith. The type of work I am talking about isn't that cutesy bead stringing you would expect from someone on the autism spectrum. I use a 3,700F-6000F oxy-propane torch and various hand tools which include flex-shaft. This involves infinite patience, which I have, and the ability to concentrate for hours on end, which is an Aspy trademark. The only trick is learning the motor skills, which can be hard at first, but if you take the time to repeat them enough then you can learn anything you wish. For me the motor skills do take longer, I admit that, but I have done so better than I even thought. After I go to and get back from training I will most likely work for someone before I go out on my own. I want to concentrate on platinum work, which is a whole different animal as far as jewelry goes.

Adaptation and learning can go a long way for anyone. I refuse to believe people who say I cannot do something. That's one reason to keep AS a secret (except from my readers of course). My dad never thought I would be able to drive a car. When he realized I wasn't quite Rain man, can take a person beeping at me, drive 80mph in the fast lane and that I actually see things on the road before they happen, well, I'd say he was more than surprised. You work with what you are given. If that means you have to refine those skills and adapt to your surroundings, then so be it.

Questions or Comments? Let me know.

Physically Sick: First Time Four Years

Since Thursday of last week (1/5/12) I have been stuffed up and lacking energy. This is the first time I have been sick since sophomore year of college, fall semester. Even then I was only sick for a day as it was a quick, but noticeable fever. Everyone else on the team also got it and it was from being exposed to too many varying weather conditions in a very long day. The time I was sick before that; I cannot recall. Maybe it was fifteen years ago as I don't recall missing school for sickness. My mom even asked me one day if I would like to stay home for no reason (we all know I went anyways). I define sick as needing to either take medicine for something or missing school or work. I never have to take anything, outside of allergy season that is. My parents don't really recall me getting sick when I was younger. I am not unbreakable, but it sure feels like it sometimes.

While at Worcester Academy there were two occasions when a puking virus went around during the winter. Many people in the school, not to mention Dexter Hall, where I was living, came down with it. It made you puke until you saw bile only coming up. I never got this virus. I have not had a flu shot since, well, I can remember either. I'll have to ask my mom about that. The point of all this is, I don't get sick easily, and if I do (and you see me) you better run because its the damn plague. Granted I knew where this virus came from (the house my brother lives in some girl gave it to everybody) and I only think I got it because it was New Year's Eve and I stayed up until 6am. It didn't help that I also stayed up until 3am the following evening. I then did Bikram Yoga four straight days, Sunday-Wednesday and got stronger each time because I had been out for a month and a half as a result of a strained shoulder muscle from pulling a stuck cork out at a wrong angle.

I have heard this may be a Latino thing. While being a slave at Nordstrom, I heard that someones boyfriend never got sick, even when they were in close contact with them and had a virus. My brother is sick often, only because he wears himself out and doesn't sleep enough. As for my sister, I'm not sure about here at the moment.

I would like to think this is an AS related thing about being in control; meaning that not being able to have control of your bodily functions makes you paranoid enough to the point that ever getting sick is unacceptable. That is likely not the case. This is more of a gripe post than anything else. Being sick for this many days (going on five days now) is depressing.

Fox Passes

Everyone does it, although they don't always realize that they have. I'm on different in the that it tends to happen more often. As for the hint that it has, well that comes when everyone around me either looks awkwardly or stops talking for a second. That is when I know that I've done it again. At least people who know me are certain that it wasn't intentional. I don't get the same response from people that are not yet familiar with my MO. There are a couple of things that I do to make sure these moments don't happen as often.

I try to follow the situation at hand before putting my thoughts out there. This isn't always fool proof, though. There are times when the dynamics of the situation have changed and I haven't caught on yet. Suddenly I am saying or doing something that was OK a minute before only knowing after the fact that I should have left that idea in the chamber. If I find myself in an unfamiliar setting then I just follow suit and keep my mouth shut. True, I will probably never see any of those people again but I'd rather get out of there in one piece.

Observation is still the most important learning tool for me when I'm out in the world. People don't get this. Just because I'm older doesn't entirely change the way I go about things any different than when I was a child. They see you taking a mental note from time to time and write you off for it. Honestly, my IQ is probably higher than yours, but that doesn't mean anything in the equation of knowing how to act with people. I could write you off for not seeing things the way I do, but I'm better than that.

I could give you a few examples of stories when it all went too wrong for me, but I'll make you wait for that. Until then, just use your imagination and think how you would feel if you didn't know you had just made a total ass of yourself. Actually you wouldn't know it unless someone told you about it. That happens less as you get older and proves things you don't know can hurt you.

And you all wonder why we don't like to leave the house.

Questions or Comments? Let me know (Although you never do).

What Kind Of Person I Am ( Creative Writing )

I'm the kind of person who will calculates a few moves in advance, even over some of the simplest decisions. I'm the kind of person who doesn't mind waiting a long time, and I mean a real long time, in a line for something that is worth it and for that I have learned that patience is, more often than not, undervalued in this day in age. I'm the kind of person who wears sunglasses to the supermarket. I'm the kind of person who doesn't wear a jacket in the rain or carry an umbrella; it's water people. I'm the kind of person who can know every face and recall what it looked like at any age. I'm the kind of person who you don't want to go against in Jeopardy. I'm the kind of person who can hold a real silver coin in my hand and be amused thinking about where it has been and who has touched it over its many years, flipping it up to myself as I ponder. I'm the kind of person who will help out a random stranger load something heavy into their car as I am walking by. I'm the kind of person who says 'Bless you to anyone and everyone, even if they are one hundred feet away in a crowded hall. I'm the kind of person who will ask a dog owner if their animal has been out in the woods before I reach down for a pet (the mere thought of the dog potentially carrying poison ivy oils is enough to deter me from touching even the nicest looking animal). I'm the kind of person who, when I damn well please, will not even leave the house some days (mostly only on Sundays, though). I'm the kind of person who plays finger guitar on the steering wheel with my opposite hand even though I feel I may be getting carpel tunnel from doing so. I'm the kind of person who you can't simply look at and know what is going on (in my brain that is) . I'm the kind of person who, when asked of something that happened in the past, will give you every known detail or; when refreshed by you on the matter hazy to me, will again give you every known detail. I'm the kind of person who says the wrong thing and always laughs at the wrong time, not on purpose, though. I'm the kind of person who's eyes seem to be locked into a type of trance that give off the type of expression a mime would consider cheerful. I'm the kind of person who, despite long odds unknown to him at the time, played and dominated high school and college baseball. I'm the kind of person who has never dated despite having played baseball in high school and in college. I'm the kind of person who lets the party flow around him instead of jumping into it.

I'm the kind of person who used to listen to the cowardly lion inside his head. I'm the kind of person who had a father who never thought I would be able to drive a car. I'm the kind of person who would stay in alone every night and watch other people have fun. I'm the kind of person who finally decided that my passion, gold-smithing, will be my career (and trust me the parents are happy about this). I'm the kind of person who is only beginning to believe in himself and now has enough courage to do so. I'm the kind of person who realized what he is meant to do. I'm the kind of person who doesn't mind sharing what he has learned (still working on my book).

I'm also the kind of person who has let life pass by him up to this point and realized I had to do something about it.

Questions or Comments? Let me know.

Epic Buying Failure

So I was trying to meet an older woman to buy a pearl set off of her, via Craig's List. I have done plenty of deals like this successfully. Last night I called her after emailing a few times to set up a time and a place. She said to me, "Oh, I just emailed you". This was at 7:24pm and I called her at 7:25pm while with my Dad. She said she could meet the next day, today, at 1:30pm, at the Nissan dealership in Beverly. I said "OK" after she talked my ear off for ten minutes (My Dad actually called me on the phone to give me an excuse to hang up. The reason we were going to meet there is because she had a doctors appointment at the hospital less than a mile away. She said to meet at 1:30 sharp and to wait for her if she was late. I agreed and put the details in an email to myself as a reminder.

So today I drove down to Beverly, thirty miles and 45 minutes through traffic and detours. She does not have a cell phone. I got there at 1:15 and waited, until 2pm, the time of her appointment. I was looking for the blue rental car she said she had at the time. She never showed up. Pretty pissed off, I left. I called her twenty minutes ago. She said "Didn't you get my email?" I said "No", thinking she had sent a new one his morning, which I would have gotten even on my phone because I can check it on the go. She said "No, I sent it last night about meeting today". I told her that I drove all the way down and she interrupted me with "I told you there were other interested parties" Before I could say, well we had a whole conversation with times and meeting places set in stone and to make sure I was not late she said, "What's done it done, good day". I yelled "BITCH" into the phone before she hung up, or at least I hope so.

Listen: I know she's older and gave me a time and set all the rules I had to follow, but seriously, Andira or whatever your name is, you wasted two hours of my time, my gas and most of my tough as nails patience and faith in people to do right, so you can take your excuses and GO F*** YOURSELF!

Was I wrong or was she? Please let me know.

Parade of the Senses:Taste

(I might go a couple different directions all at once here, try to keep up ;)

As far as taste goes there are certain aspects of it that are linked to smell and all the other senses. It is possible to taste the air, say nearing the ocean. That salty flavor just hits you can recall all the times you've spent on the coast. Taste could be a feeling someone left you with, such as a bad taste in your mouth. Taste is probably the oddest of all the senses because you can't categorize it fully. It can have a whole bunch of different literal and figurative meanings.

I mean yes I love my food more than the next man but there are certain things I like or dislike, food and otherwise, that could be called 'tastes'. The word is like the salt and pepper, no pun intended, of the senses being that it can be used on a number of different things with good results. I appear to have lost my self at the moment. Anyway, taste is something that is subjective in a lot of different ways. Its the sense equivalent of "you either like something or you don't".

Busy as a Beaver

Lately I have been driving around Massachusetts buying silver and gold off of people. Dad gave me a bankroll to do it with and it has already increased three-fold. It can be strenuous at times but its what I love to do, and trust me it beats a regular job. After all I am going to be doing this anyways when I work in the jewelry trade so I might as well get accustomed to it now. I've met some characters recently. It all goes to show you that you never know what is going to happen next or where you will be.

The first collection I bought really set me on the right track. I paid the guy a hundred, the asking price, and saw enough gold while going through part of it to get my money back. When I got home I looked at everything, which took two hours, and by the end of it all I had $1,300 in gold and an 80 point diamonds worth $800-1000. Needless to say they don't all go like this but I was happy that one did.

Only a few more months until I go down to Nashville for jewelry school so I'm making the most of it, in more ways than one.