Wednesday, August 27, 2014

New Posts

I have recently moved, my mom also moved to South Carolina and I have been busy. I will post again soon. 

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Oil & Water

You ever see a bottle of salad dressing that hasn't been shaken up in a while and there are distinct layers between the layers? That is my relationship with people. Although it is nothing personal on either side, the way both are don't allow the two to be mixed for as long as most other dressings. Each time you want some you have to shake, and shake, and shake, there is no way around it. And the kicker is that it never lasts for long, the two start to separate almost at once. It is like a cruel joke to not allow them to be together, but that's the way it is.

People on the spectrum, myself included, have a difficulty dealing with people that most can't grasp. This goes beyond the inability to read body language, take social cues, and understand people who are sarcastic. If it were all that simple (I'm joking, these things alone make it hard to deal with people) you get the icing on the cake, which is the mental deterioration throughout the day that occurs when interacting with people. Like the separation of the salad dressing it starts off slowly. As time goes on it becomes more apparent and then, before you know it, the process is complete. If I do not take my little breaks from people during the day (shake things up) then I will become completely useless until I take a break. I don't often get too the point where I can't stand it anymore, because I have learned to control it more than I used to, but if I have too much for too long my brain goes into survival mode. Critical thinking/problem, my already poor math skills, the ability to hold a conversation other than texting. My ability to drive a car is not affected, I guess because it is a basic function I don't have to think about. Funny, I feel a story coming on.

It had been a long day for me driving around and dealing with people. I was then headed to Westminster, MA, which is about an hour away, for a friends mini engagement party. I was mentally tired from the day, as always, and thought that over the course of the drive I would be able to recover before dealing with the ten or so people that would be there. As I neared the town I was still 'tired'. As I pulled onto the street it was the same. I parked out front and decided to text my host, who knew of my AS, asking him if I could rush upstairs, without saying hello to his parents, so I could get a quick nap in. He informed me that they were not present at the moment and he understood what was going on with me. I honestly didn't even want to see him because the conversation would have gone nowhere. So I went up, got a half hour nap in and I was fine for the party, actually stayed up until about 1:30 am as we drank finely aged Scotch and local beer. So why was this story important?

What happened to me that day stresses how you yourself have to learn what your limits are. You need to do extensive trial and error and when you need a break you must take it, no exceptions, or face what happens head-on. The people who care about you will understand. I am getting better at mixing it up with people but I still have a long way to go. I realize that things can be improved upon, but never solved when it comes to people and the effects they have on my brain. I suggest building yourself up slowly and then tempering yourself over time. You can't hide forever, unless you have a cabin in the wilderness with enough food and safety to last a lifetime that no one knows about.