Sunday, May 18, 2014

Tips for Figuring Yourself Out

We all know that as people with Asperger's alone time is important, if not essential. But what you do with your alone time may be even more important. Do whatever you feel when you are alone, whatever helps you get through your day, but if you feel like some of the pieces are missing please take the following piece of advice. It may open up thoughts you never knew you had.

Back in my senior year of college I commuted to Lowell and back, about twenty minutes each way. My class schedule was such that I had about an hour an a half break on certain days. I eventually got into a pattern of heading to the upper portions of the library that were mainly quiet. There were wood and pleather couches that I would lay out on and just think. I started to examine my life as it had come to be and begin to notice what was working and what wasn't in all aspects of it. With my eyes closed the thoughts would seemingly appear out of nowhere. Ideas about how to do things differently, sometimes slightly, sometimes radically. Although it did not happen often I sometimes decided that I needed to do some things entirely different. Radical change isn't normally my M.O. but all the time thinking changed the way I did so. The lucky thing for me is that a lot of what I ended up doing worked. I began to see real change in the way things went from then on. I don't think my 3.65 final semester GPA had anything to do with it but I guess we'll never know. I surely didn't spend the time thinking by studying. One problem I encountered later on with this technique is that I would, and still do, occasionally fall asleep. That didn't happen at all in the library because there was some noise every fifteen minutes or so, but if you were in your room at home its more common.

I suggest everyone try this. It helps you begin to peel away the layers covering the real you. People have so much stuff up in the attic that they didn't even know was there. There is going to be some dust and a few spiders, but I find that a bright flash light helps in shining new light on things that are long neglected, if not entirely locked away. Be prepared to open a lot of boxes that hold memories you didn't know you had. I know there are some things you wish to remain hidden but you can't hide from them forever. The sooner you face them the quicker you can move on.

I find the following questions helpful during these sessions:
What is bothering me today and is this an ongoing problem?
How have the things I've been doing helped/hindered my progress (because you always want to make progress)?
Why didn't the things I've failed at work?
How can I continue to improve on what has been working?
Is what I'm doing in the present good for me now AND in the future?

Those are some basic questions and there a million more. I find it best to 'go blank' mentally and think of nothing so items can present themselves. Don't worry, they will. In time you will learn what you need to ask yourself. The more layers you peel off the harder the questions become. You will have to spend more time on each little thing, but don't worry, this is a lifetime practice so don't feel rushed. Some things cannot be solved easily, or even at all. You have to learn to live with certain things and that can be very hard. For example I know that I cannot talk to women that I don't know whom I am physically attracted to. My brain goes in the thousand different directions and things of all the catastrophes that could happen before I can even utter a singe word. The funny thing is that if she were to talk to me first I'm fine, or if I already know her then I am also good to go; just know I never said anything about advancing the conversation to where I'd really like it to go, but I'll take the training wheels of when I'm ready.

I'd be interested to see what people do with this, or if they have been doing it all along at at least some level. I'm a smart guy, but it took me a while to figure this one out. After I did things changed and isn't that what its all about?