Monday, July 30, 2012

My Two Brains (Part 1)

I have wanted to talk about this for a long time but was saving it for my book. The thing is I don't have enough people who are going to read this post to worry about giving anything away to my entire target audience. It should also be noted that although I am not sure all Aspys experience this, I do and have all my life, making it a worthwhile topic.

I'm not crazy. I know only crazy people say that but its true. Crazy would be having a voice in your head that makes you do things you wouldn't normally do. I have a voice that makes me stay away from things that others take for granted. I know its not a conscience because that helps determine right from wrong. This is voice has everything to do with trying new things, go different places and even approaching females to start a conversation. This voice, it is a system of defenses rather, is based in fear.

I wish it was a simple case of me being crazy, like Ed Norton in Fight Club, but its not like that. In that movie the main character had invented an alter ego to allow him to do the things he would never do, like start an organization to 'help' humanity. My voice is something different in basically the roles are reversed.

It started out when I was a child. It may have already used this story but here goes. I was outside on the walkway eat a packet of my favorite fruit snacks, not Fruit Wrinkles but some meteor/space theme treat, and was just about to open up another pack when my sister came out of nowhere only to yell "No, don't eat that! it's gots calories!" I didn't know what calories were, they could have been anything, but for the first time I can remember in my life, something happened. I was overcome with a barrage of fear and heard something in my head asking "Oh, no what are calories? Are they bad? Am I going to die if i eat them? What's going to happen if I do? Can I ever eat them again?" I think I may have given the packet to her out of fear of what would happen if I didn't, or I couldn't bear to look at them as they may set even more questions swirling through my head.

I may have been three years old when this happened. I am not entirely sure but it was a moment that I will never forget. It was the feeling of anxiety and I had no idea where it was coming from or when it would come back. Like a conscience it kept me in line, but more of a prisoner then someone truly living life. If I examine it closer it explains a lot.

I have never asked a girl to dance or even went to prom, and I had more than a couple opportunities to do both of these things. I couldn't get these thoughts out of my head in high school of "If I ask this girl out then what is everyone going to think? What if she says "no" and I have to face that? Does she have a boyfriend and what is going to happen if she complains to him or a scene develops? This is the type of situation that a man worries about a couple times when he is younger and once success comes his way, with women, then the shadow of doubt holding him back lifts. I know this because every new thing I am afraid to do eventually happens and I find myself thinking "That it wasn't that bad, I feel good enough about the results that I will probably do it again". With me and women, that is not the case, yet, although I feel like its time to give that one another shot.

 You could call this anxiety but it feels louder than that. Most of these things people take for granted but when a fight-or-flight reaction comes from a situation then you know there is a problem. That never happened in baseball, where I could pitch in front of a full crowd and even use them for 'fuel' to make me perform better. I never have had any fear on the mound, I owned that spot on the field. However after the game, especially in high school but not in college, I went home and didn't party with the team after a win. I withdrew myself as not to be in a social situation. I did not have the knowledge about my brain and its capabilities to refresh itself until college when I figured out that all I needed was a mental rest before/sometimes during a packed party so I could socially function.

I guess that the voice in my head that keeps me in check is a defense mechanism that goes back to the times of cavemen. After all, if you read over this then it will make more sense: http://www.rdos.net/eng/asperger.htm   Even so, it appears that evolution can only go so far. But the things I need to do, such as find a good job or a suitable female are clouded in doubt by my brain. I don't always feel like I can control it, but I've been getting better at it the last few years.

Back in the olden days I would let the voice take over the situation and get the heck out of there. In college I would listen to it, and its sense of fear and doubt and then act accordingly. Nowadays I hardly listen to it and try to think along the lines I was before it reared its ugly head. In response to some of the stupid things it says I calmly and figuratively tell it to shut up or I give it the middle finger. I can almost hear Tyler Durden (Fight Club) telling me to "Stop being a pussy and do it all ready". When that happens I am almost fearless. The reassurance that little pep talk brings makes me feel like I am on the right path, finally.

I think fear and doubt have their place in life. They protect you from harming/embarrassing yourself from things you wouldn't normally do, except when there is alcohol involved, but even then the other voice for me is less, but still present. As for weed, that is a different story. Many of my compulsions stop all together during that, um, magical period when the window of enlightenment is open. The voice goes away, and all that is left is my brain, free to do whatever it wants to. The chains that  bound it have been done away with. I do not, however, lose my inhibitions and there is a very fine line between relaxing and losing control that my brain will NEVER allow me cross. True, most of the 'other' brains defenses are down, but not out. I am only incapable of become a black out drunk (it has never happened) because my brain will send a message to my stomach to push the 'eject' button before things get too bad. The system so wants to be in control that it will do anything to keep it that way. Putting it at ease for a while is fine, shutting it down is impossible.

As the years have passed I have gotten better at navigating around and dealing with my two brains. Both are important in their own way and exploring one while using the other is a reality I have come to accept. I still have moments when my other brain will say try to take control and during those times, now more than ever, I  take a step back and extend to it my middle finger, all the while saying "You've been here before". 

Friday, July 27, 2012

The Chick-Fil-A Argument: The New Civil War?

I posted this under a picture of the Mike Huckabee response to the Tom Menino letter. Am I in the right here or am I about to have the good book thrown at my head for taking the time to thinking rationally?

"I'm from the Boston area and we are very accepting up here, unlike some of you down on the Bible Belt. You all accept what happens up here and we'll accept you, with open arms. It obviously has not gone that way thus far. Tom Menino already said there is nothing he can do to stop the chain. I'm sure the GLBT community, though, might not want to eat at the restaurant. Oh, and another thing; it's the 21st century, grow up and realize that some people are comfortable with the way they are, no matter what anyone else thinks about them. As for now, the two sides are at an impasse and we are left wondering, for now, how it will all turn out."


"Though Chick-fil-A has come under considerable fire for its documented support of anti-gay Christian organizations, officials for the fast food chain have remained mostly tight-lipped about the controversy -- until now" 


On the other side of this, Massachusetts supports the GLBT community. The two sides know where the other stands, clearly.


I post this as a third party observer, having nothing with GLBT or Chick-Fil-A. I will give up that I am biased towards Boston, but you have to give me the fact that I am accepting to anything, really, whether I agree with it or not. It's sort of like hating the Yankees, which I do very much so, but respecting Derek Jeter as a baseball player.


 While down at jewelry school I actually ate a good deal of Chick-Fil-A during my three months in Nashville. I am from the Boston area but I am accepting of differences, and would be a hypocrite if I wasn't. People are who they are and they are not going to change because someone says they should. If anything, they will resist more. The restaurant is not open Sundays and it is well known that they have some religious values. GLBT people, I'm assuming, feel at home in Massachusetts and they can get married here. I didn't see any gay bars down in the south, but I did see a lot of churches, a LOT of churches. Both sides are 'open' if you will, and we know where the cards lie. So how will this all turn out?


Personally, I think the chain we be allowed in but the GLBT community will protest, and then the whole thing will simply die down. If that doesn't happen, I will not be surprised. 


This is the debate I had with someone from the south on the matter. I tried to open up the thinking and some color to the issues other than black and white/cut and dry.




  • That's it? That's your argument? So what ever is the norm these days we should do? Look, just because it's the 21st century? The 21st is just a number of how many centuries or years it's been since Christ came. The fact that we live in the...See more

    Friday at 08:28 · 

  • Kyle Ahern I am a Christian, first off, secondly, north and south will never see eye to eye; especially on religious values. Leave these people be, what did they do to hurt you?
    Friday at 08:42 via Mobile · 

  • Gilbert Evan Broyles They're not hurting me personally, they're hurting companies that support our Father.
    Friday at 08:47 · 

  • Gilbert Evan Broyles I can't leave them alone, they need to be dealt with according to God's Holy and established ordinance. God is the one who defines marriage not man, God is the one who created Man male and female, not man, God created Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve. If we do not uphold the laws of God and go to what man determines then we are dead. We need to get back to the Word and throw out Autonomy.
    Friday at 08:52 · 

  • Kyle Ahern I can partially agree with that, but it doesn't mean we should be intolerant of those who don't fit into what we believe, I give them credit for what they believe and I even have a few gay friends whom I didn't know were gay until later in life. The only people I'm against are terrorists.
    Friday at 08:54 via Mobile · 

  • Kyle Ahern Well of I denied you or myself Christs love then I would ne denying a part of what makes us feel right/whole/ourselves. To do the same, the only difference would be denying sexual orientation, I feel OS unjust. Read this and please try to fully understand what it means.
    Friday at 09:02 via Mobile · 

  • Gilbert Evan Broyles I'm against who ever is against Christ. Who ever is against the Bride of Christ is an enemy of God. "He that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me scattereth abroad." Matthew 12:30 this is where I get my believes, I can't falter.

    Friday at 09:02 · 

  • Gilbert Evan Broyles I'm sorry, I couldn't quite get what you were saying.
    Friday at 09:03 · 

  • Kyle Ahern Our ancestors came over here for religious freedom. GLBT love in Massachusetts and tolerant areas so they can fully live their lives. I don't see them moving en masse to the south anytime soon. That is all I have, lets see how it all plays out. A pleasure debating with you, though.
    Friday at 09:09 via Mobile · 

  • Gilbert Evan Broyles My pleasure!
    Friday at 09:15 · Edited ·  · 1





Questions or Comments? Come on, you know you want to pick a side and stir the pot on this one.



Tuesday, July 24, 2012

"I'm an Excellent Driver" Asperger's & Driving

If you really put Rainman on the road I'm certain it wouldn't go well. You all saw what happened in the airport and I think a few honks of the horn would be enough to shut him down. But then again, I'm not as far down the autism spectrum as he is. Having your parents give you a ride everywhere is fun, right up until everyone else but you has a car. For me, driving began at 17. I naturally late bloomed on this one, too.


I think I may have been about to turn 17, the summer before, when I took the drivers education course with a bunch of my friends. Book smarts come easy to me, so the course was a joke, as was the computer test to get my permit. When it was time for the rubber to finally met the road, however, I became a little gun shy. I didn't have that 'rush' to drive like all of my friends. I was more casual about it, which goes along with my standard MO. My sister may have been the first person to take me driving, I think. We went over to the mills in North Andover and to the upper part of the parking garage. She showed me how the car worked and everything I needed to know. I was shaky at first, as every new driver was. It was a fun start to learning a life skill. After a couple times we took it onto the open road. I still know the feeling of seeing and going through my first yellow light. I was past the point of stopping so I just went through (made it with plenty to spare but my sister still told me to be careful) when I saw the flash of yellow. My heart did that sinking feeling in my chest and fear came over me. I was fine after that but it still resonates with me today, mostly as a reminder of the scared kid I used to be behind the wheel. 


Driving with my mom was also fine. One time, however, my dad showed up behind us in his truck and proceeded to ride my ass. He was honking and nearly up against the bumper and really being an asshole, for lack of a better word. I found it odd, but I am surprised by it; someone had to teach me about the real world way of the road. I thought about jamming on the breaks but I tend to respect the vehicle I'm in, unless its a rental.


I didn't necessarily learn to drive with dad as much as anyone else. He did his part, though, mainly by barking orders at me while I practiced turning in the driveway. There were obstacles in the way, namely other cars, but he wanted me to navigate backwards and forwards to park as best I could. I had the window open to hear him and thought about closing it to drown him out. Honestly, this was like learning to ride a bike all over again and I could have without the tough love routine here. Eventually I figured it out, much to his surprise. 


 I must add here that when I was first diagnosed with AS when I was 16 that dad figured he would have to take care of me for the rest of my life. He said to my mom "Oh, no! How is he going to be able to drive a car". This proves two things. First, that regular people didn't know shit when it came to what their AS offspring were capable of. Secondly, anyone can learn anything, given a large amount of time. My mom only told me of his reaction a couple years ago and it made me laugh. After all it wasn't my ignorance on the line here.


Driving with my instructor Bob was also very valuable, as any road experience was for me. He was patient and let me know what was happening at all time, without being pushy. He had, and still has, no clue about my AS. He was the one who truly got me ready for my road test. Well, failure actually did that for me. 


The first time I did a road test it was not the scheduled one set for my 18th birthday, but a sooner one because me and a couple other people threatened to sue the driving school for not getting us a test in the first place. So me and another girl Meredith, whom I still know, went to take the test one morning. We both failed, sort of odd, but that may have been because we threatened to sue. They said I blew a stop sign but if you look where the sign is, in the middle of a turn, you can go by it and stop, but I guess that wasn't the same thing. It should be noted that I don't blow stupid things out of proportion and I actually have the urge to go take a picture of the sign and its most dumb-ass location just to illustrate my point; I think I will. Anyhow, failure is failure. So I had to wait again until my birthday to take the test, at the end of the month. When I got there things didn't even get off the ground.


The DMV said to me that because I had taken a previous test, failing didn't matter, that it had erased the spot I was holding to take the test on my birthday. I was pissed, to say the least. When I did go back, October I think, I was ready. My dad urged me to take the platinum & diamond ring I was wearing off so that the cops wouldn't think I was some punk. I told him, against better judgement, that if "they were going to  pull me over anyway I would be wearing this ring, so why take it off now". That was one of the few arguments I won against him and maybe he was seeing if I would fail so he could blame it on that, unjustly. As we pulled out of the parking lot things took a turn, literally! The previous test and all others I had seen were done in the residential area directly behind the DMV. We took a left out of the lot and into an area I had never been to! I had to cross the busy intersection a couple times, just so the cop had a better sample, and I did so fine. When it came to putting the E-Brake on and then putting it down, I bonked a little. I couldn't get it back up and after a minute of trying the cop jiggled it a little and it released. I was not penalized for that, but at the time I thought I would be. He told me I had passed and I thanked him before he left the car. I could have told dad to apologize about the ring comments but did not feel that was warranted at the time, I was too happy anyways. 


The first couple times alone on the road my mom made me call once I had reached my destination. This was easy enough and I made it each time. I did, however, get into an accident a few months later and it spelled the end of that car for a while, then forever, but I'll get to that last part in a second. 


I was driving down Mifflin Drive, not far from home, one March day in pursuit of my coach in my Infinity Q45 when I hit a patch of ice. It should be noted that the amount of horses pulling the car was substantial, as with any luxury car. The back kicked out and I went left, then fishtailed right, then left again as I skidded over a snow bank and into a tree that would collide with my passengers side. As I spun out of control I just accepted it, and just before impact I remember thinking "Well, I might as well watch the window blow out. I looked right just in time to see the glass explode on the seat next to me. I was safety glass, of course, so I didn't worry about being cut. I turned off the engine and got out of the car. I forgot my cell phone at home and asked the resident who's tree I had struck if I could borrow the phone. They were nice, my mother was not as understanding. She barked, "Where are you! Are you OK and why don't your have your own phone!" I think she began to cry, which is understandable in her panic, but I was the one not worried about anything except how long my car would be out of commission. She hugged me when she got there and dad also arrived. He was mad that my inspection sticker was out of date and that I could be sued for that (which didn't happen) and he ended up driving the car home. 


You should have seen the passenger door: It had a huge dent, the exact shape of the three foot tree it had run up against, in its side. The frame, on the inside, had only bent about an inch. If it had not been a luxury car, pretty much built with a steel beam in the side, I'm sure it would have folded like a wallet. So I didn't have a car for a while, that was fine for now, but I still had to wait for the repairs; which almost got done. The thing with that was the guy doing the work was welding something on the side and then the entire dash board went up in flames. The car was ruined and with the salvage money we bought a 1997Chevy Lumina, black. This was both good and bad because I really loved the Infiniti Q45, but the amount of ponies under the hood made it kick out when it slipped, hence the accident. I told dad that after we decided to get the other car. Other than that my driving has been uneventful, save for a few fender benders, which is basically what everyone has to deal with from time to time.


So how am I at driving now? Well hopefully you know by now that Aspy's tend start off slowly and then get better and better until they are the best at something. I fit that mold. With my road vision, a version of 'spidey sense' I am convinced, I see everything. This is much akin to all the potential threats I look over as I enter a public place. I can even blankly stare ahead and just watch for changes, i.e. break lights or blinkers and adjust accordingly. I can anticipate problems and react in the blink of an eye. I tend to avoid traffic on the highway by putting myself where the cars are not, and if this means going 80 in the fast lane or blowing by an 18 wheeler then I'm fine with that. I was put to the most extreme driving test on the way home from Nashville, TN this past my with dad.


We were going through Virginia, the mountains, I think when I truly blinding rainstorm came upon us. As I have already said, I don't like it when people over exaggerate things, but this was the worst storm I have ever encountered in a car. To the left and right cars were pulled over, waiting for the storm to pass. Dad said that we should probably pull over but I gave him two things in response. The first thing was the 'Don't be a pussy look' and second was the verbal, "Don't worry, I got this". The truckers lead the way, and being professional drivers they had surely been through this many times. We were going 10-15mph through the rain  with the wipers on full blast and meandering through the fog, did I mention there was fog, for about two miles when it began to clear, with cars staying off the road everywhere you looked. My dad couldn't  believe I had gotten us through that. So, who's the better driver now? Is the the man who had been driving over forty years or his son; a kid with AS who had only been driving for eight and defied the stigma that people on the Autism Spectrum cannot and should not be behind the wheel of anything but a bumper car? I rest my case. You give me the challenge and I'll make a believer out of you, too.


Questions or comments?  



Sunday, July 22, 2012

My Thoughts On Teenagers (Aspy and Neurotypical)

I think a lot, much more than you do. I'm not proud of it, per say, as when you tend to think you find yourself alone. I've come to realize things that may have either slipped past you, or you simply didn't have time for. Each time I do this I find I gain insight about myself and those around me. One thing that has been on my mind as of late is teenagers. If I am constantly reassessing my own level of mental consciousness and actively making improvements, then what are they doing?

People often say that teens think that they know everything. Their seemingly one track minds don't have time to put things into perspective. I don't know if they don't take the time or all the hormones are getting in the way. It's probably both of those plus about a thousand other reasons. When I was that age, though, things were different in a way that could only have my AS the culprit to blame, mostly, that is.

Imagine, if you will, your teenage years. For some of you at may have been a couple years while some may have to stretch back a couple decades. Do you recall what it felt like to try and express yourself and get people to notice you? You can get back there by examining what it is you were doing, the results and whether it was positive or negative. Then you have to see if you did that same thing again, and if you did despite the negative consequences then you didn't learn anything. I'm not talking about trying and failing. I am talking about stupid things you got in trouble for but didn't care enough to try to stop. That is what being a teenager is all about, tunnel vision to everything your friends are doing without a clue to the outside world. I must add that some teens figure this out without knowing it and mature at a quicker rate than their contemporaries. Of course, since they are not doing the same things or in the same social circles (or even any for that matter) we refer to them as outcasts. If they had figured it out and were also the leader of a particular click, then they would just be smart enough to lead those willing to follow, in whatever direction they chose for the group. You've seen all the teen movies out there, the person leading got there somehow and this explains it. But what about the outcasts?

They don't have to be the people dressed in weird clothing with tattoos and piercings. They could just be someone who chose to isolate themselves from all the bullshit going on around them. You could say they grew up too fast, but the rate they did was by their own accord. In this case a multitude of factors could be taken into account, too many to list. I think you know where I am going with this by now and even as the writer of this piece I am sort of surprised I got to it in the time I did. I was an outcast, sort of.

In middle school my mother asked me if I knew a kid named Alex Thorne, and indeed I did. She told me he had a  group of friends who just did typical kid stuff and whether I would like to be a part of it or not. I politely declined and that was the end of it. Alex is still the same person today. He is easy going, works hard and doesn't cause problems for anyone; a model citizen with nothing to hide. So why did I chose not to join the play group, because I had a choice. I don't know how it would have turned out, and all the kids in that group went to a local private high school anyways, but it would have probably been fine.

The thing to take away from this is that I didn't crave the kind of human contact others go out of their way for, even then. Even now I know many, many people, but I pick my spots and usually hang out with a select few who know about me, and the secret to how my brain works for that matter. They are not like me, with AS and all, they are my bridge to the rest of the world.

Going back to high school for a moment. I was the starting ace of the pitching staff junior and senior year and  people knew me. My teammates and I hung out on the field, in the classroom but nowhere else. I hardly ever went of their houses, a couple times in the summer, and I was always on the outside looking in. I didn't even sit with them at lunch, the group of kids I did sit with were popular but more in an off humor sort of way, certainly not the respected athletes the others were. I did sit over with my teammates on occasion, but only because I didn't want to sit alone. I always felt awkward with them for some reason and would head back to the other group when given the option. While just about the whole rest of the school was at prom I remained home, both times and even in prep school the following year. I don't blame them, but they never included me in the conversation or even asked who I was taking; its like they knew I had no plans to go at all.

So there you have the answer to how a person can be quite popular but not take part in any of the social events that kids that age look forward to. It was choice and my parents not forcing anything on me. They knew I could think for myself and they let me do so. Just this past Thursday I went to a huge party in Boston for the re-branding of Campus Live to Dailybreak, a company that a few kids I have known for a long time, one since kindergarten founded. Things are really taking off for them, sponsorship big, and many of my friends from high school were there. I remember them (of course) but more importantly they remembered me. We talked about the good old days (we had a small after party at Scholars bar on School street) while we played pool and had some higher quality beverages then the party we just left. It was a good time. I enjoy a quite intimate setting with friends and not the huge blowout type of party where you can't even hear yourself think. I almost didn't go to either but I'm glad I did, especially the second gathering. This time when I made a choice, I chose well.

Questions of Comments?


Monday, July 16, 2012

Dad's 5th Wedding Anniversary Gift (Hint, it's quite obviously jewelry)










So after the rings for Heather & Tyler were made I set out for my next conquest in jewelry making, if you will. Lucky for me my dad has his fifth wedding anniversary coming up. I convinced him, it was not hard at all, to let me make a platinum & 18k bracelet for Janet. After the gathering of materials I set out to into semi-uncharted territory. I use this term because I had made a couple chains a few years back so I knew the general process. Let me just put out that I made this a little hard on myself.



  I started by melting the platinum ring that I had purchased, at a great price by the way, on the special block I only use for platinum, due to potential contamination issues. I usually don't have to wear gloves when pouring silver or gold but platinum needs a lot of heat and the reflecting-back action of that heat tends to make my torch hand a little warmer than I would like. Using the tungsten tipped tweezers in my right hand I manipulate and 'fold' the metal over onto itself to get the best results. This can take a couple minutes and it doesn't fully melt on one side, so flipping it around helps in getting a good final product. The gold part was easier as I just threw it in a crucible, melted it with some flux and then poured it into an ingot mold. I then put them through the rolling mill, one at a time and then cleaning it as not to contaminate the platinum, so that they would become longer and more into their eventual shape. The thing about rolling out platinum is that it's easy; if you mess up or put a huge divot into it you can remelt the surface and its good as new. As for gold, not so much. Now we get to where I had some trouble; making the links.

I first looked at a couple of Janet's pieces of jewelry to see what size the links could be. I narrowed it down to a small half rounded style. I put the bar through the half round section of the rolling mill and once annealed, put it on the mandrel I had made. The problem was that I made them too wide and was unable to properly bend the platinum, an extremely hard to bend once shaped, around itself, not to mention fit into the 18k links. I scraped all the links and started over, making them the same size but using a bigger mandrel and failed once again. The third time I made them correctly but at least I got much needed practice in.  They were thicker this time, and not as wide as before. Soldering proved to be hard as well.

The proximity of the 18k links to the platinum links, as you can see by the pattern of 2 then 1 below made it so that I could only barely 'kiss' the platinum with the flame before the 18k would also get red. I melted two 18k links because of this, but I had more, so I didn't worry about it. I used a heat sink method, putting the 18k links on the tweezer to draw heat away and then carefully aiming my heat on a portion of the platinum link. When that wasn't working as I'd hoped I used a lower temperature solder that melts at only 2,190F vs the 2,910 of the higher temp solder. It should be noted that the 18k hard solder melts at 1,400F so you better watch the flame carefully. Once I did that, success! Of course I didn't make enough of either link so I had to make more which was small potatoes in comparison. I did have one more problem, however, and that came in the form of polishing the whole assembly.

I first tried tumbling everything in steel shot, but this did not work as well as I hoped and was more of a time suck than anything else. I then tried using the papers I usually use but made my hands ache terribly. I then decided to hand finish, with the proper abrasives, each individual link one at a time. The 18k was easy, the platinum too the majority of the time being smaller and less available due to the difference in link size, not to mention that it eats . I used seven (7) different items, five special wheels and two highly advanced polishing compounds on each link. This took over two hours to complete, but man was it worth it! The shine is unlike anything I have achieved on a metal surface and it was all about a progression of different grits.

The look on Janet's face, as well as a couple choice expletives from her mouth, were all the thanks I needed (except for a check from dad for the whole project). To be honest I think I made this for around the same or even less than the same bracelet in 14k would have cost at a jewelry store. Go look it up for yourself, you can find a platinum bracelet on blue nile for $530/3.7 grams, 1/4 the weight of the 12 grams this piece is. I can charge half that price (72/per gram) and still make a double my money. I think its time kick it into high gear, wouldn't you say? So what did I learn from all this?

I learned that I can't be afraid to make mistakes and start over if need be. The slightest error can cost an hour. Careful planning goes a long way, that's for sure. The doubting, and no question, scared autism voice that tells me I can't goes away once I do well at something, but that doesn't mean he isn't still there the next time I do something similar or brand new. I try to turn him off as much as I can, but more on that in another post, but most likely I'll say that discussion for the book.

Questions or comments? Let me know (especially if it comes to wanting to purchase my jewelry)