I'm sort of wondering if the people (7 at last count) reading this blog, well, get it. I don't want to offend anyone but the lack of effort on your part to ask me personal questions is not allowing me to help anyone.
The point of the book I'm writing is to provide a character study of myself that can be reflected on people my age who have Asperger's Syndrome. I am giving you, the reader, and an open invitation to ask me anything you want both before and after it is released.
Pick a subject and I'll answer it as best I can. If you want to know how the brain of someone like me works then you have to ask. The book is going to be a portrait of who I am and once it is published I can't regret/take back anything I put in it. What am I going to do, come over to your house and take it away from you? Everything I add to my writing stems here, although I have to save some key thoughts for the book.
I'm not easily offended. I'm 24, I'm not a child, I’m an adult. Ask me what you are afraid to ask your kids or others you know with AS. Stop thinking that I'm going to attack you through the computer and go ahead and ask me whatever the hell you want.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Emotionally Reserved
Simply put, it takes a lot to get me aggravated. Everyday BS like someone cutting me off when I'm driving or people giving me heck is usually not enough to get me going. We all make mistakes when driving or take out our anger on other people for no reason. The key in dealing with other people's lack of control is not to let it bother you and never take it personally. This may seem impossible at times. I shy away from confrontation and bite my tongue in most instances. I only get annoyed if it has something to do with money. Everything else is pretty much stuff I've learned to deal with. There is no sense in getting mad when you know events like what just occurred will continue to happen.
One drawback to this emotionally reserved state I occupy is that I can seem cold much of the time. This is different than laughing at jokes, goofing around or rooting on my favorite teams. This is more like not showing visible remorse when you've hurt someone emotionally or not feeling much of anything as you watch them cry. It may not have been my fault for at all. My Mom cries every now and again right in front of me and I just sit there, stunned almost. There is obviously something bothering her, deeply, and I can understand that. I understand more than people give a person my age credit for, but still, I refrain from crying. It not that I am not trying to cry; I just can't pretend to feel for emotions that are not there; sort of like what people say when they don't love another person as the other wants them to.
I don't cry at funerals either. It's like I'm shielded from the grief that everyone around me is feeling. I do miss the person, don't get me wrong, but I feel inhuman at my own lack of emotion. It is not a comfortable feeling either. To tell the truth it makes me feel bad inside, like there is something missing inside of me.
There will be times when I will cry at a funeral, for five people in fact, only one who is not a family member. I hope those days are far off in the future.
I have cried. There have been moments when I just let it flow. The day my Dad told me he and Mom were not getting back together and leading up to and finalizing my decision to give up baseball (college) because I needed shoulder surgery and felt I wouldn't be able to compete at the high level I was used to. I will probably be playing baseball again this summer but the marriage is long over. Baseball was for seventeen ears and so was the marriage, although starting and ending at different times. I guess you could say it takes a truly life changing event to really get me to let loose.
So what do you think about this? Are you the same way? Are the people you know with AS in a similar boat? I think you should ask them. I know the way I act may not be acceptable to you, but that is just the way I am.
One drawback to this emotionally reserved state I occupy is that I can seem cold much of the time. This is different than laughing at jokes, goofing around or rooting on my favorite teams. This is more like not showing visible remorse when you've hurt someone emotionally or not feeling much of anything as you watch them cry. It may not have been my fault for at all. My Mom cries every now and again right in front of me and I just sit there, stunned almost. There is obviously something bothering her, deeply, and I can understand that. I understand more than people give a person my age credit for, but still, I refrain from crying. It not that I am not trying to cry; I just can't pretend to feel for emotions that are not there; sort of like what people say when they don't love another person as the other wants them to.
I don't cry at funerals either. It's like I'm shielded from the grief that everyone around me is feeling. I do miss the person, don't get me wrong, but I feel inhuman at my own lack of emotion. It is not a comfortable feeling either. To tell the truth it makes me feel bad inside, like there is something missing inside of me.
There will be times when I will cry at a funeral, for five people in fact, only one who is not a family member. I hope those days are far off in the future.
I have cried. There have been moments when I just let it flow. The day my Dad told me he and Mom were not getting back together and leading up to and finalizing my decision to give up baseball (college) because I needed shoulder surgery and felt I wouldn't be able to compete at the high level I was used to. I will probably be playing baseball again this summer but the marriage is long over. Baseball was for seventeen ears and so was the marriage, although starting and ending at different times. I guess you could say it takes a truly life changing event to really get me to let loose.
So what do you think about this? Are you the same way? Are the people you know with AS in a similar boat? I think you should ask them. I know the way I act may not be acceptable to you, but that is just the way I am.
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