For about two years I have been doing Bikram Yoga. I originally felt the need to do so because I was getting tight from weight lifting (and a little loose in the midsection from eating). I have stayed on because it works, in every since of the word. It is a total body workout and helps heal at the same time. The carpal tunnel symptoms in my wrist have gone away and my surgically repaired right shoulder feels so good I may return to baseball at some point. Just like anything else worthwhile, it is not easy. The room itself is 105F and some of the postures would make Gumby scream. By the end of it all you are simply a deluge of sweat. As with all things, though, I have noticed a few things while moving through the practice.
As I had one when I played baseball, I tend to go through the same routine before each session. I get to the studio at least a half hour early and run up the stairs like the young mountain goat that I am. I greet the teacher at the desk and take my shoes off before signing in. If the room is empty enough, there may have been a class before, I put my mat and towel down in the same exact spot as I have had the majority of my one hundred fifty classes. I then either stretch a little bit, depending on the time, or exit the room to see who else is arriving. I typically do a leg stretch near the windows to see my yoga friends as they park their cars. I greet a few of them as they walk in the door, unless I'm in the room getting myself ready. I usually wet my hair once and then again five minutes before class starts; just to give myself a head start. If I feel loose enough from stretching, and I usually try to hit every muscle I can (a habit from my playing days) I wander out and chat with either Leslie or Maribel or whomever is sitting on the benches. With a few minutes left until class I check to see if I must evacuate any more liquid from my body before entering the room for good. I sit on my knees with my head down and do a sideways figure eight or whatever until the teacher walks in and announces that class has begun. I jump from me knees to my feet (not really that difficult once you get the hang of it) and then it's on like donkey kong.
Oddly enough I position myself in the front of the class, on the left middle side right in front of the studio length mirror. I don't get nervous at all being here and most of the people who have been coming a while practice in the front. You think as someone with AS you wouldn't want everyone in the room to have the option of staring at you. People are so busy doing their own practice that it doesn't matter. That and each time I look in the mirror I get to stop and think how cute I look.
I am still able to effectively think about other things during the little savasana 's or breaks. Try as I might, and without the aid of typical social factors, my mind is never able to go completely blank. I usually don't have time think too long because I'm just trying to relax as much as possible after the last posture. It's not long, only 20 seconds or so. I do save most of the thinking for the postures, which is essential. There is a 2 minute break where we all lie down on our mats with our eyes open. I position myself under the same little heat vent, that protrudes from the duct work, each class. This is partly because it is in good alignment with the mirror in front of me and the other being the board ceiling scheme. In the little area I have chosen the ceiling has fourteen boards ( it has more in that section but fourteen of which are encompassed in a little bordered off area of their own) and the two on the ends, each #14 if you were to count from either direction, are a little different than the rest. If realized that they represent me very well. Once again, let me explain.
The first board is small and sort of half hidden by the wall border, but it is clear that you could see more of it if it wasn't. What could be back there, a larger more interesting piece that would be worthwhile to get to know? It’s like the ice berg that you see but don't know how of it lies hidden beneath a frigid emotionless ocean. The second board is much wider, cracked and in plain sight.
This board only feels ugly but denies itself of the character it has and tries to hide it from everyone else, although it does so in plain sight. The color is a little darker than all the others so it is easy to point out and laugh at. Then again this board doesn't care what you think of it (boards don't have feelings anyways) and even if it did it would simply shake it off.
The first board is me now, still a sheltered person who is half hiding from who he wants to be. People are always trying to allow me expose my other half but I still don't think I am ready. There is a lot of potential there if the right woman were to take a look. The second board is me before I lost 20 pounds (again). I was unhappy with the way I looked but didn't have enough drive to do much about it. I just went on for years living in disgust of myself in plain sight. That person has nearly disappeared, but I am still not ready to fully become the other board just yet.
Questions or comments? Let me know.
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