Societal Pressures

As a typical person of society I am supposed to follow the rules as interpreted by everyone else. I am to get a job and date while blending in. After all, society sees someone like me as 'normal' right? There is no way anyone could see into my head and know there was something 'different' inside there; something many of them have never seen before.

I can communicate with others properly and work without slowing productivity down. While I may not slow its pace down, the work in question can slow me down. All the interacting with people puts undue tension on my brain and tires me out far more than it would a neurotypical person. There is no way around this, I have tried. Taking a little 'mental nap' during my lunch period, not long enough as it is, is the only way I can refocus on the rest of the task I need to complete for the day. Much of my human interaction occurs with little eye contact. Despite this people tell me that I would be a good seller. If you have absorbed any of the last paragraphs you will understand why I tell them it wouldn't work out.

The difficulty that I have is that I am expected to work. I like money, don't get me wrong but all the clouding of the brain makes me seek out jobs that involve the least amount of human interaction possible. If I were lower on the Autism scale I don't know what the case would be in terms of me working a 'regular job'.

As for dating, that just hasn't worked itself out either. There are many blocks that I have to get over in that area. You think I would have figured I out by now; so have I. Shyness is not easy to get over now matter how lonely a person gets. An inability to misread body language and social cues makes it even more fun. I try and fit in but it’s hard sometimes. For the most part I don't know if women are smiling just to be nice or if it’s something more. I'm not daring enough to pay the price to find out. People try to stay out of awkward situations as much as possible. My life is an awkward situation. Feel free to jump inside my head, take a look around, feel what I feel, and see what I see, perceive as I do and then jump back out and tell me it was easy.

I am expected to do what everyone else does. I know what everyone wants me to do. I just have not reached that point yet.