Simply put, it takes a lot to get me aggravated. Everyday BS like someone cutting me off when I'm driving or people giving me heck is usually not enough to get me going. We all make mistakes when driving or take out our anger on other people for no reason. The key in dealing with other people's lack of control is not to let it bother you and never take it personally. This may seem impossible at times. I shy away from confrontation and bite my tongue in most instances. I only get annoyed if it has something to do with money. Everything else is pretty much stuff I've learned to deal with. There is no sense in getting mad when you know events like what just occurred will continue to happen.
One drawback to this emotionally reserved state I occupy is that I can seem cold much of the time. This is different than laughing at jokes, goofing around or rooting on my favorite teams. This is more like not showing visible remorse when you've hurt someone emotionally or not feeling much of anything as you watch them cry. It may not have been my fault for at all. My Mom cries every now and again right in front of me and I just sit there, stunned almost. There is obviously something bothering her, deeply, and I can understand that. I understand more than people give a person my age credit for, but still, I refrain from crying. It not that I am not trying to cry; I just can't pretend to feel for emotions that are not there; sort of like what people say when they don't love another person as the other wants them to.
I don't cry at funerals either. It's like I'm shielded from the grief that everyone around me is feeling. I do miss the person, don't get me wrong, but I feel inhuman at my own lack of emotion. It is not a comfortable feeling either. To tell the truth it makes me feel bad inside, like there is something missing inside of me.
There will be times when I will cry at a funeral, for five people in fact, only one who is not a family member. I hope those days are far off in the future.
I have cried. There have been moments when I just let it flow. The day my Dad told me he and Mom were not getting back together and leading up to and finalizing my decision to give up baseball (college) because I needed shoulder surgery and felt I wouldn't be able to compete at the high level I was used to. I will probably be playing baseball again this summer but the marriage is long over. Baseball was for seventeen ears and so was the marriage, although starting and ending at different times. I guess you could say it takes a truly life changing event to really get me to let loose.
So what do you think about this? Are you the same way? Are the people you know with AS in a similar boat? I think you should ask them. I know the way I act may not be acceptable to you, but that is just the way I am.
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Not acceptable? Kyle, you (and the way you are) are WAY more than "acceptable". You are a remarkable human being. Whether you feel the same range of emotion as most people or not is only one facet of who you are, and I think your honesty and ability to self reflect and seek to be the best person you can be, far surpasses these qualities in most people. I admire you!
ReplyDeleteI am the exact same way. Although I find that I can cry at movies sometimes, which is seriously weird to me.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I don't dry at movies I do feel for characters when they are in a tough situation. I think this is because I can put myself in the same situation and that is when the old brain kicks in and freaks out with thoughts of "What would I do!" Anxiety takes over from there. But when they lose someone close to them in the movie I'm fine with it. I can see where they are coming from but can't really express sorrow with them. Sort of odd huh?
ReplyDeleteThanks for a look at your perspective. I have to say, I often feel just cold to slightly embarrassed when people cry or act out. I didn't cry when I asked my spouse to leave and I'm not sure how to take it when someone even tells me they love me.
ReplyDeleteI have a similar problem. The only difference here maybe is that I do have a bad temper and I do get aggravated rather easily. But then again, I am confrontational and not very passive aggressive. But people have always told me I come off cold or empty because I seem like I just don't care sometimes. I don't cry easily, and feel uncomfortable and stunned when people do. As if I don't even know how to react. I'm a great people person, but I don't like being emotionally attached to anyone. I'm very independent, so sometimes I come off as not needing anyone at all. So unfortunately, I sometimes seem heartless and like I lack empathy, when really I just don't like communicating my feelings. It's not a topic I've ever been comfortable with, and I try my best not to let anyone know when I'm sad. I've obviously gotten so good at it that I show no remorse or emotion or love at all on occasion, when sometimes I feel like I really should. But I can't show what I don't feel, and if I did feel it, I'd be afraid to show it.
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