I think a lot, much more than you do. I'm not proud of it, per say, as when you tend to think you find yourself alone. I've come to realize things that may have either slipped past you, or you simply didn't have time for. Each time I do this I find I gain insight about myself and those around me. One thing that has been on my mind as of late is teenagers. If I am constantly reassessing my own level of mental consciousness and actively making improvements, then what are they doing?
People often say that teens think that they know everything. Their seemingly one track minds don't have time to put things into perspective. I don't know if they don't take the time or all the hormones are getting in the way. It's probably both of those plus about a thousand other reasons. When I was that age, though, things were different in a way that could only have my AS the culprit to blame, mostly, that is.
Imagine, if you will, your teenage years. For some of you at may have been a couple years while some may have to stretch back a couple decades. Do you recall what it felt like to try and express yourself and get people to notice you? You can get back there by examining what it is you were doing, the results and whether it was positive or negative. Then you have to see if you did that same thing again, and if you did despite the negative consequences then you didn't learn anything. I'm not talking about trying and failing. I am talking about stupid things you got in trouble for but didn't care enough to try to stop. That is what being a teenager is all about, tunnel vision to everything your friends are doing without a clue to the outside world. I must add that some teens figure this out without knowing it and mature at a quicker rate than their contemporaries. Of course, since they are not doing the same things or in the same social circles (or even any for that matter) we refer to them as outcasts. If they had figured it out and were also the leader of a particular click, then they would just be smart enough to lead those willing to follow, in whatever direction they chose for the group. You've seen all the teen movies out there, the person leading got there somehow and this explains it. But what about the outcasts?
They don't have to be the people dressed in weird clothing with tattoos and piercings. They could just be someone who chose to isolate themselves from all the bullshit going on around them. You could say they grew up too fast, but the rate they did was by their own accord. In this case a multitude of factors could be taken into account, too many to list. I think you know where I am going with this by now and even as the writer of this piece I am sort of surprised I got to it in the time I did. I was an outcast, sort of.
In middle school my mother asked me if I knew a kid named Alex Thorne, and indeed I did. She told me he had a group of friends who just did typical kid stuff and whether I would like to be a part of it or not. I politely declined and that was the end of it. Alex is still the same person today. He is easy going, works hard and doesn't cause problems for anyone; a model citizen with nothing to hide. So why did I chose not to join the play group, because I had a choice. I don't know how it would have turned out, and all the kids in that group went to a local private high school anyways, but it would have probably been fine.
The thing to take away from this is that I didn't crave the kind of human contact others go out of their way for, even then. Even now I know many, many people, but I pick my spots and usually hang out with a select few who know about me, and the secret to how my brain works for that matter. They are not like me, with AS and all, they are my bridge to the rest of the world.
Going back to high school for a moment. I was the starting ace of the pitching staff junior and senior year and people knew me. My teammates and I hung out on the field, in the classroom but nowhere else. I hardly ever went of their houses, a couple times in the summer, and I was always on the outside looking in. I didn't even sit with them at lunch, the group of kids I did sit with were popular but more in an off humor sort of way, certainly not the respected athletes the others were. I did sit over with my teammates on occasion, but only because I didn't want to sit alone. I always felt awkward with them for some reason and would head back to the other group when given the option. While just about the whole rest of the school was at prom I remained home, both times and even in prep school the following year. I don't blame them, but they never included me in the conversation or even asked who I was taking; its like they knew I had no plans to go at all.
So there you have the answer to how a person can be quite popular but not take part in any of the social events that kids that age look forward to. It was choice and my parents not forcing anything on me. They knew I could think for myself and they let me do so. Just this past Thursday I went to a huge party in Boston for the re-branding of Campus Live to Dailybreak, a company that a few kids I have known for a long time, one since kindergarten founded. Things are really taking off for them, sponsorship big, and many of my friends from high school were there. I remember them (of course) but more importantly they remembered me. We talked about the good old days (we had a small after party at Scholars bar on School street) while we played pool and had some higher quality beverages then the party we just left. It was a good time. I enjoy a quite intimate setting with friends and not the huge blowout type of party where you can't even hear yourself think. I almost didn't go to either but I'm glad I did, especially the second gathering. This time when I made a choice, I chose well.
Questions of Comments?
People often say that teens think that they know everything. Their seemingly one track minds don't have time to put things into perspective. I don't know if they don't take the time or all the hormones are getting in the way. It's probably both of those plus about a thousand other reasons. When I was that age, though, things were different in a way that could only have my AS the culprit to blame, mostly, that is.
Imagine, if you will, your teenage years. For some of you at may have been a couple years while some may have to stretch back a couple decades. Do you recall what it felt like to try and express yourself and get people to notice you? You can get back there by examining what it is you were doing, the results and whether it was positive or negative. Then you have to see if you did that same thing again, and if you did despite the negative consequences then you didn't learn anything. I'm not talking about trying and failing. I am talking about stupid things you got in trouble for but didn't care enough to try to stop. That is what being a teenager is all about, tunnel vision to everything your friends are doing without a clue to the outside world. I must add that some teens figure this out without knowing it and mature at a quicker rate than their contemporaries. Of course, since they are not doing the same things or in the same social circles (or even any for that matter) we refer to them as outcasts. If they had figured it out and were also the leader of a particular click, then they would just be smart enough to lead those willing to follow, in whatever direction they chose for the group. You've seen all the teen movies out there, the person leading got there somehow and this explains it. But what about the outcasts?
They don't have to be the people dressed in weird clothing with tattoos and piercings. They could just be someone who chose to isolate themselves from all the bullshit going on around them. You could say they grew up too fast, but the rate they did was by their own accord. In this case a multitude of factors could be taken into account, too many to list. I think you know where I am going with this by now and even as the writer of this piece I am sort of surprised I got to it in the time I did. I was an outcast, sort of.
In middle school my mother asked me if I knew a kid named Alex Thorne, and indeed I did. She told me he had a group of friends who just did typical kid stuff and whether I would like to be a part of it or not. I politely declined and that was the end of it. Alex is still the same person today. He is easy going, works hard and doesn't cause problems for anyone; a model citizen with nothing to hide. So why did I chose not to join the play group, because I had a choice. I don't know how it would have turned out, and all the kids in that group went to a local private high school anyways, but it would have probably been fine.
The thing to take away from this is that I didn't crave the kind of human contact others go out of their way for, even then. Even now I know many, many people, but I pick my spots and usually hang out with a select few who know about me, and the secret to how my brain works for that matter. They are not like me, with AS and all, they are my bridge to the rest of the world.
Going back to high school for a moment. I was the starting ace of the pitching staff junior and senior year and people knew me. My teammates and I hung out on the field, in the classroom but nowhere else. I hardly ever went of their houses, a couple times in the summer, and I was always on the outside looking in. I didn't even sit with them at lunch, the group of kids I did sit with were popular but more in an off humor sort of way, certainly not the respected athletes the others were. I did sit over with my teammates on occasion, but only because I didn't want to sit alone. I always felt awkward with them for some reason and would head back to the other group when given the option. While just about the whole rest of the school was at prom I remained home, both times and even in prep school the following year. I don't blame them, but they never included me in the conversation or even asked who I was taking; its like they knew I had no plans to go at all.
So there you have the answer to how a person can be quite popular but not take part in any of the social events that kids that age look forward to. It was choice and my parents not forcing anything on me. They knew I could think for myself and they let me do so. Just this past Thursday I went to a huge party in Boston for the re-branding of Campus Live to Dailybreak, a company that a few kids I have known for a long time, one since kindergarten founded. Things are really taking off for them, sponsorship big, and many of my friends from high school were there. I remember them (of course) but more importantly they remembered me. We talked about the good old days (we had a small after party at Scholars bar on School street) while we played pool and had some higher quality beverages then the party we just left. It was a good time. I enjoy a quite intimate setting with friends and not the huge blowout type of party where you can't even hear yourself think. I almost didn't go to either but I'm glad I did, especially the second gathering. This time when I made a choice, I chose well.
Questions of Comments?
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