Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Societal Pressures

As a typical person of society I am supposed to follow the rules as interpreted by everyone else. I am to get a job and date while blending in. After all, society sees someone like me as 'normal' right? There is no way anyone could see into my head and know there was something 'different' inside there; something many of them have never seen before.

I can communicate with others properly and work without slowing productivity down. While I may not slow its pace down, the work in question can slow me down. All the interacting with people puts undue tension on my brain and tires me out far more than it would a neurotypical person. There is no way around this, I have tried. Taking a little 'mental nap' during my lunch period, not long enough as it is, is the only way I can refocus on the rest of the task I need to complete for the day. Much of my human interaction occurs with little eye contact. Despite this people tell me that I would be a good seller. If you have absorbed any of the last paragraphs you will understand why I tell them it wouldn't work out.

The difficulty that I have is that I am expected to work. I like money, don't get me wrong but all the clouding of the brain makes me seek out jobs that involve the least amount of human interaction possible. If I were lower on the Autism scale I don't know what the case would be in terms of me working a 'regular job'.

As for dating, that just hasn't worked itself out either. There are many blocks that I have to get over in that area. You think I would have figured I out by now; so have I. Shyness is not easy to get over now matter how lonely a person gets. An inability to misread body language and social cues makes it even more fun. I try and fit in but it’s hard sometimes. For the most part I don't know if women are smiling just to be nice or if it’s something more. I'm not daring enough to pay the price to find out. People try to stay out of awkward situations as much as possible. My life is an awkward situation. Feel free to jump inside my head, take a look around, feel what I feel, and see what I see, perceive as I do and then jump back out and tell me it was easy.

I am expected to do what everyone else does. I know what everyone wants me to do. I just have not reached that point yet.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

OCD

Many people, to a certain degree, have a little bit of OCD. Whether it be checking something a couple times or a habit you do a few times in a row and wonder just why you do it. To me, OCD can be anything you do that you feel is brought on by a force you cannot fully control. This may sound odd, but bare with me. My main OCD habit is counting compulsively. I can control my brain for the most part but counting is something I have a hard time dealing with. I feel compelled to count and I think I know why. My brain works very fast and I am good at multi-tasking. When my brain is under stimulated it compensates by doing more.

A good example of this is watching my old teammates play baseball at UMass Lowell. Unlike a game on TV there is a lot less going on in terms of announcers and commercials, less background noise. This causes my "counters" to kick in. I count the players on the field in groups of three with the catcher, 3rd base and left fielder, the pitcher, shortstop and center fielder and 1st base, 2nd base and left field comprising the groups, respectively. This would be ok if I didn't do it 30-50 times per game. When I can't stop counting I feel like I have a real problem. I don't feel mentally stable anymore. I feel like someone about to snap. I love watching the games, but the downtime for my brain is what sends it into a counting frenzy. Just like having AS, you wouldn't know I counted just by looking at me. This is only a simple example and there are many more annyoying OCD habits that I do, but you get the jist of it.

Counting for me is a burden. My Mom said she used to count and it ended in her mid twenties. Her history will not have any affect on me because I was adopted. I want it to stop. People always tell me to try and make a game out of it. That does not work, I am sorry to say. Even if it did it would still be a game I don't want to play. I feel that I can relate with people who have addictions with either alcohol or drugs (cigarettes and the like) because my brain is telling me to do a task I do not want. If I try to stop it just starts over again. The only thing that does prevent my from counting is keeping my brain busy. I wish they made an anti-counting patch. At least with cigarettes you have an aid to try and kick the habit. This whole comparison may seem like an overstatement but I feel very strongly about it.

I'd like to know if this is a common thing among people with AS due to the fact that many of us have highly active brains. I ask the people reading this to ask their children or people they know with AS what they feel. Hopefully we can see if a trend is present and try and help one another.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

YouthCare Speech

So either July 6th or 8th I am scheduled to give a presentation on Asperger's and the transition from high school to college and eventually working. Having just finished college they thought that I would be a good candidate to talk and answer the questions of the young adults in the program. I am planning on possibly what size school to choose and whatnot. The change from a set schedule to one that has time flexibility in between classes will be covered. I don't want to sound rigid to these kids or to scare them either. I'm under the impression that some of them don't make friends easily (although I will ask them each their own situation) and may need help pulling the change off as smooth as possible. I don't want them to get there and be blown away and drop out. I'm going to try and tell it how it is. The major difference I think between me and them is probably going to be that I played baseball in college and went out with the team on a regular basis. The social scene in college is a far different animal then high school, both in and out of the classroom. Even the shyest people have opportunities to make friends. As far as working goes I am going to advise them to find a job that they can handle and comfortable for them to do. People don't realize that some jobs are not a good fit for people with AS, such as selling face to face. This can create awkward situations on a daily basis, something wee just don't need more of. Growing up and people not sensing what you face on a daily basis is frustrating and is the main reason I chose to write my book in the first place. I'm sure I will cover all the idiosyncrasies that go along with the transitions in questions but, just to make sure I cover everything, I would like a little advice as to what I should cover. I have to fill 60-90 minutes as well as a Q&A, the latter being the easiest part, so if you guys wouldn't mind giving me some suggestions I'd be grateful. This is my first time speaking and it will not be my last. They are also paying me. Also if you have any questions regarding this or anything else I'd be glad to answer them. I can't stress this enough. I'm going to have to answer all the tough questions when my book comes out anyways so why prolong the process? Use your imagination, I'm sure you can think of something you'd like to ask me. After all, that's what I'm here for. If you can think of any subject you'd like me to address on this blog then be sure to let me know. Ask me the questions you're afraid to ask your kids.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

New Blog Posts Coming Soon

I will have new posts coming up soon. I have beeen working a job and it has taken away from this blog and writing my book. I have also been booked by Youthcare, a program run by Mass General Hospital (http://www2.massgeneral.org/youthcare/) to give a speech, on my own, for 60-90 mintues and to answer the questions of early/late teens with Asperger's syndrome. This will take place in early July. I look forward to your continued interest in my blog and if there are any questions you would like me to answer in the mean time then please let me know.