I'm sort of wondering if the people (7 at last count) reading this blog, well, get it. I don't want to offend anyone but the lack of effort on your part to ask me personal questions is not allowing me to help anyone.
The point of the book I'm writing is to provide a character study of myself that can be reflected on people my age who have Asperger's Syndrome. I am giving you, the reader, and an open invitation to ask me anything you want both before and after it is released.
Pick a subject and I'll answer it as best I can. If you want to know how the brain of someone like me works then you have to ask. The book is going to be a portrait of who I am and once it is published I can't regret/take back anything I put in it. What am I going to do, come over to your house and take it away from you? Everything I add to my writing stems here, although I have to save some key thoughts for the book.
I'm not easily offended. I'm 24, I'm not a child, I’m an adult. Ask me what you are afraid to ask your kids or others you know with AS. Stop thinking that I'm going to attack you through the computer and go ahead and ask me whatever the hell you want.
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Kyle, I don't have a specific question, but I do have a broad school-related question. I work with students in the school system, some who have Asperger's, and I was wondering if you have any thoughts on how Asperger's impacted you academically at school and whether you got the support and/or understanding that you needed from teachers. Related to that, is there anything that you wish they (or you) had done differently related to academics or the school experience?
ReplyDeleteTeachers were in the dark and I never told them. I was old enough by then that it would not have mattered anyways. Kids like me do need support from them, though. They can be confused and need extra help but are too shy to speak up, and end up getting poor grades that stem from simple misunderstandings. I think if teachers were told and to truly understand what Asperger's is only then they could help the student as needed.
ReplyDeleteHello Kyle I just found your blog today and I am thrilled to read more of what you have to say. I applaude you for wanting to answer the tough questions. My son Mason is seven and has Asperger's syndrome. I have a question for you something I feel I will struggle with when my own son gets older. Was is difficult for you in your datig relationships? what did you struggle with and is there anything your mother did that helped with that? Anything that should have been done differently?
ReplyDeleteHey Kyle! Not sure if you remember me - I went to high school with you ;-). I'm not sure if we had classes together, but you played baseball with Jason Edelstein, who I'm engaged to. And we're facebook friends. ANYWAY :-).
ReplyDeleteI work at a program called Spotlight (www.spotlightprogram.com, if you're ever interested in knowing more), we're a social pragmatics program working primarily with children with AS, and we use improv theatre to develop social skills. I asked a kid this question today, and thought it might be food for thought for you: let's say you were having a difficult time and were having an "unexpected" reaction to a situation (like stimming, perseverating, yelling, etc.), how would you want adults to explain to other kids about the situation? Hopefully that makes sense...
Of course I remember you, Meredith. Remember the driver's license test we took together? That went well...As far as explaining this from an adult’s point of view to another child, it can be difficult. You would like to say that the child is 'different' but if that is said the kid will want to know why and may have a hard time understanding. Younger kids tend to make fun of things they don't understand and can basically go off of anything you give them, which led to much of my bullying at a young age. One of the best options would be to tell them something harmless or that it’s none of their business. Personally, I would try to relate to them a time when they acted out and how their outward actions deteriorated and have them realize the other kid is not doing these things on purpose. They may have a tough time grasping this but at least it’s the truth. As for the program you are with, if you would like me to come and talk to the kids than I would be glad to, free of charge. I can pretty easily relate with young kids, as my mind has capacity for thinking as they may, sort of an odd thing people with AS can do. I currently have a speech booked with YouthCare in early July, but that is with older kids, more my target market. Let me know if you are interested. If you have any more questions in the mean time, or need clarification on anything, then please let me know.
ReplyDeleteMonica,
ReplyDeleteI have had immense trouble with dating and female relationships. What I'm about to say to you may be both revealing and possibly sad. I have never dated, not even once. I was a stud athlete in high school and never went to prom, didn’t even consider it really. I have basically spent 24 years watching other people have fun. I even managed to stay single in college despite playing baseball for the University of Massachusetts Lowell. I lived with two girls in an apartment senior year. Although they were both taken, I did manage to learn about reading their moods/body language and consider the year I spent amongst them valuable. I am currently working on writing that specific chapter for my book which had more than one hilarious misunderstanding occur.
I am just like any other guy when it comes to women. My brain towards women does functions normally, (i.e. I desire them strongly) but it goes deeper than that. What many people can't see going on it what is inside my head.
I basically go on the assumption that most women are taken and therefore are to be left alone. People with AS avoid confrontation at all costs and the 95/100 in this specific area I got on the personality test I took proves this to be true. Any subtle signals they send me are not interpreted as they intend because reading female body language is a main trait people with AS have. My mind sort of takes on an almost ‘fight or flight’ reaction when talking to someone I don’t know and really goes into overdrive when it’s a woman. Just think of the most awkward social situation you’ve been in you will know what it feels like; it’s downright intimidating. I rarely if ever approach a woman I don’t know and start a conversation, even at a party with a little ‘Dutch courage’ in me.
If they were to start the conversation then that would be a whole different ballgame. Even with women I would like to go out with I still tend to shy away. I could explain the shying away part of in more detail but I have to keep some things hidden, for now.
Part of me sees a relationship as something I would like to have, after all it has its benefits both emotionally as well as physically, but I also see those around me arguing and angry about what their significant other has been up to and I don’t want to deal with that extra BS no matter how worthwhile it may be. I have enough stuff to work on as it is. I have already written an extensive chapter related to women with a few stories and added things that I would have done differently, in hindsight. They main thing that I would have done different would be to start earlier and take the chances that I knew I should have with women when I was younger. I had a couple opportunities I was just too shy or afraid to take.
My mom/dad knows that I’m lagging in this key area but no one is without hope. They have both given me advice and the occasional pep talk. This is one of the things I have to do for myself and they both know that. No one cares enough to do it for you, and that is a fact I have come to realize over the years. Mason has a long way to go, though, being only seven. Without forcing him, just gently guide him on the right path as he gets older and be there to answer any questions he may have. He will have tons but will most likely be afraid to discuss them with you for fear of creating an awkward situation. Time will always be a determining factor on how and when things play out.
No one is hopeless, even someone with AS, it’s just that people like me have a harder time getting started. You could call it lack of confidence on my part and that is something I still need to work on. I am a good looking kid, people keep telling me this, and I am confident I will figure it out.
I thank you for this question and I hope I was able to give you worthy advice. Please let me know if you need more, on any subject you can think of, or any clarification on anything I have already written.
this is short but i wanted to say i am a ASPY and i was wondering if you where a ASPY
ReplyDeleteOf course I am an Aspy Monica. It would be pretty bad Karma for me to pretend to be one. The point of this blog is to answer the questions that people are afraid to ask and the researchers cannot answer. Also it is a point of view of a younger (I'll be 25 this month) prospective.
ReplyDeleteHi Kyle,
ReplyDeleteI am a mother of 4. My 2nd son, Blaise is an aspy. I find that my husband and I both lose patience with his lack of attention span, quite frequently.
If you could go back to your 8yo self, how would you want your parents to communicate with you?
Sincerely,
Kimberly
I would want my parents to be clear and concise, making sure that I understand. With that being said I hated being treated like a child, I'd rather be talked to like an adult. I don't like the regular stupid 'child talking to' voice that adults use, which is why I don't talk to children like that. This fact surprises a lot of people, especially when they see it in action.
ReplyDeleteThe attention span thing can be a bit of a nuisance, but that is only because his mind is being pulled in more directions than yours. It's his option which one he is to follow. He can learn to harness his focus on where it needs to be, while still able to do something else. I can watch TV and have a conversation with someone at the same time, and give them feedback to their story/problems; just at that opportune time when they don't think I've been paying attention. I don't need to look at you to know whats going on, and the whole eye contact thing can be far more relaxed when with family, than say, someone I deal with at the Jewelers Building. What it boils down to is that I don't want to put undue stress on my brain if I don't have to.
What I told you is what Blaise would say if he knew how to put it into words, and that is where I come in. It's not really about what he would say, but what you need to understand and why he will always be like that, but in time he will learn to either multi-task or narrow his range of focus. I have never taken any medications that would aid this area, I have just developed mental discipline over the years.
If any of this seems unclear tell me and I will gladly elaborate.
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