"The Blank Stare"

One thing that I do have very much in common with someone who is fully autistic is the blank stare. This face is void of any emotion, the perfect poker face. I was watching "Rain man" again recently and I realized that this is the trait I most openly express. It is not always an intense stare but rather a blank one. Viewing it you would feel that there couldn't possibly be anything going on behind it. You almost want to wave your hand in front of the persons face to see if they're alive. Contrary to what you may believe there is a lot going on inside the persons head.

The stare itself, at least for me, is sort of my natural face and it does have a tendency to intensify when I want to be left alone. I feel like I am not really looking at anything, just staring at nothing as I think. Think of it as an open eyed meditation. I almost become cross eyed as I concentrate so hard on what I am thinking about. Even if I seem zoned out I am completely cognisant of everything going on around me. It acts as sort of a mental break for me when I am around people. I usually do it in a crowded situation. Before my yoga class starts I often look at myself blankly in the large mirror as I sit on my mat. As conversation goes on around me I take each one in and transfer my attention to many around the room in rapid succession. It may be eavesdropping but most people are saying things they don't mind you hearing anyways.

More recently I came upon some sort of reason why I might, as well as others, exhibit this face. There should be no surprise I do this in public. Much of the time I want to be left alone. This face is uninviting. It makes sure I am left alone. If people don't understand then that is too bad. People like me don't often feel comfortable in most public settings. I admit that I am more flexible than most. This goes back to the brain activity I touched on in a previous post. Being around people for prolonged periods of time tires my brain. Besides mentally resting for a few minutes, I have found no other way to counteract the temporary effects that human interaction has. The face and stare are one of my natural defenses. If you can read body language at all then you would be apt to stay away from someone who has an almost 'I'm a psycho-killer' look. If you are feeling this then my ploy has worked.

People I know that are reading this please take note as I am telling you now. I know that you and I are friends. I'll come over and talk to you when I'm ready. You would be better off if you did not try to interact with me when I am in zombie mode. I will acknowledge you initially when I enter the room but please remember this: If I don't come over right away, neither should you.

As always questions and comments are welcome on this subject or any other.