The reason I'm doing this post mainly because I asked a question to Winnie Dunn, PhD at the AANE annual conference yesterday in Boston. They way I used the term or thought she was using it was not the same, and she liked the brief story I told and what my own definition meant to me. People were surprised by my insight I guess, and I talked to a couple of them about it afterwards. I thought people knew of this method in one form or another, which is why I didn't post about it before. This is my own original idea. Although her answer helped me clarify what I was thinking, I like to think I enlightened Winnie and everyone else in attendance on a new way of thinking about an ongoing problem that people on the autism spectrum struggle with. Sorry, sometimes you have to be arrogant to avoid confusion.
When I was a child I had problems that seem so distant to me now. I wonder who I was and what I was thinking back then, and why these things happened. I've talked about anxiety already but that is something I will always have in one form or another. This isn't like that. I'd like to discuss different problems and how I might have solved them, mostly without even knowing it.
When I was very young, probably around three or four, I used to have tantrums. If my mom did something different than my normal routine or I couldn't have something I really wanted than I would start screaming. Sounds pretty typical, right? Well I would yell so hard that I would pass out. I'm sure it was quite the scene. The first time my mom thought I was dead or something, but our neighbor, and my godmother Dee knew what was going on. I'm sure this happened more than once. I don't know when it stopped, but it did, so we didn't have to worry about it anymore. I do wonder, even now, about when the last time I cried for no reason was. When was the last time someone told me 'no' and I felt unable to think of any way I could do anything other than cry? What did that even look like? Did I begin to conjure up some tears but stopped myself or did someone else say something to comfort me? Whatever the case, I didn't cry after that unless it really meant something. With age comes learning how to deal with your emotions properly, for everyone. Raw emotion is one thing, but trying to change the way you deal with things you cannot control is another matter entirely.
During my middle school years I would come home every day and then go upstairs to take a nap. I'd wake up after a couple hours and then do m school work (or not do my school work at all) and then have dinner with the family and watch TV and go to bed. Actually I would try to go to bed. Falling asleep was sometimes difficult due to the nap I had taken earlier in the day. I didn't know then what a problem this could be or even that it was one at all. Near the end of college I was commuting so rather than drive half an hour back home during my couple hour class break I would instead go (or simply stay there) to the library on south campus. The building went up about five levels and I liked to go up to the third or fourth floors to what I called the stacks. Thousands of books were arranged like any other library but there were also ancient cheap pleather couches that you could lay down on if you wanted to. I would use my bag as a pillow and close my eyes and think without falling asleep. I couldn't fall asleep because I had to be at class on time and didn't have a phone I could set an alarm on yet. I would stay and think about anything and everything. I'd work through problems I was having or think about things I wanted to do. It took me a little while to realize it, but I was refreshed upon leaving the stacks, and I didn't have the problem of falling asleep later that night. I use this method even today and it is a huge part of me being able to regulate and replenish how much mental energy I have during the day. It should be noted that mental energy and physical energy are two different things. I have strong muscles at most times because I work out, but if my brain has turned to mush after a long day then I won't be able to hold a conversation with anyone. The whole process of knowing how to deal with my mental energy opened a world of new possibilities for me in terms of what I could accomplish, if I so chose. But what does this have to do with tempering my brain, and what does that term I made up even mean?
Temper:Verb. improve the hardness and elasticity of (steel or other metal) by reheating and then cooling it and that is according to what Google gave me when I did a search just now. The way I'm using it is basically the same, just replace 'steel or other metal' with 'mind'. Your mind does not have to stay the way you think it is. You can make changes. I'm not saying it is easy, but you can do so if you try hard enough. I like to use the comparison (and I like using them in general) so that people can relate someone they know to be true to what I'm trying to get them to learn. I mentioned earlier that I work out. The first few times you do a workout it is going to be hard. After that your body gets used to it and adapts to the unique stresses being put on it. Still more time passes and you realize you can do much more than when you started. This is what you have to try to do with your brain. If you get mentally tired or even stressed during the first couple exposures to what you are trying to get better at, let's say be more comfortable around large groups of people, than that is expected. What you can't do, and what I used to and a lot of other people on the autism spectrum do is give up when it gets to be too much. I am not talking about just backing off or taking a break for the day, I mean that they avoid the situation at all costs. How do they expect to change? Change (given that this is what they seek) can only come about by continually throwing yourself into the fire, so to speak, and tempering your mind. It is not easy to do but once you get over the initial hump and see some results does the whole thing snowball and you find yourself being able to do things you never thought possible. Going back to the parallel of working out to further this, you need to change it up once again.
If you continue to work out doing the same routine over and over again your body hits what is known as the plateau effect, where gains will not occur anymore. What you need to do is vary the workout and hit different groups of muscles or the same ones, just with different moves. Exercising new muscles or the same ones in a different manner will elicit change again. This relates back to the brain by moving onto a different mental block or problem, let's say for example learning to drive a car. All the stressors are different. There are still people, but they are in cars with horns and moving much faster than if they were a group on foot. What you would do in this case is to learn to drive in an empty parking lot first, like I did, and then take it out to the open road. Usually this is done with a driving instructor to guide you. Oncer you are comfortable on the back roads and around your own town the highway should be your final goal. Things happen fast and you cannot afford to make mistakes. I can understand why people on the spectrum don't like driving. I tempered my brain to deal with it and, from dealing with other things using the same process (which I wasn't aware I was doing until I spent time on that pleather couch thinking about it) learned to do it very well. Nothing on the road scares me. Even when my brain is toast from a day of dealing with people driving is something I don't even have to worry about. I like to think it is a basic survival instinct for me, something that I can do even on mental autopilot. I have been driving for over ten years (got my license at 18, which is later than most), feel I am in complete control and experience very little stress when I'm on the road. It took a while, though, but once you get the ball rolling and refuse to give up you will see the results, if you want them. And you have to want to change, if you don't you will only be setting yourself up to fail. You have to want it. You might not be ready for one thing, but once you get better at something else it may help you to finally break through the initial stumbling block.
I can definitely say that sticking with things mentally has given me an edge over most people like myself. I feel as though I owe it to those who need help to give it to them, and why shouldn't I? Seeing people suffer inside their own minds is not easy for me to do. If I can help them I typically do, but some people are so resistant to change that it is out of the question. If you need advice how to get started then let me know. I think I can aid you in anything except how to pluck up the courage talk to women you don't know but are interested in more than just having a conversation with. If I take the training wheels off I'll be sure to help you with that once I have learned enough to really know what I'm talking about; just don't hold your breath on that particular subject with me.
When I was a child I had problems that seem so distant to me now. I wonder who I was and what I was thinking back then, and why these things happened. I've talked about anxiety already but that is something I will always have in one form or another. This isn't like that. I'd like to discuss different problems and how I might have solved them, mostly without even knowing it.
When I was very young, probably around three or four, I used to have tantrums. If my mom did something different than my normal routine or I couldn't have something I really wanted than I would start screaming. Sounds pretty typical, right? Well I would yell so hard that I would pass out. I'm sure it was quite the scene. The first time my mom thought I was dead or something, but our neighbor, and my godmother Dee knew what was going on. I'm sure this happened more than once. I don't know when it stopped, but it did, so we didn't have to worry about it anymore. I do wonder, even now, about when the last time I cried for no reason was. When was the last time someone told me 'no' and I felt unable to think of any way I could do anything other than cry? What did that even look like? Did I begin to conjure up some tears but stopped myself or did someone else say something to comfort me? Whatever the case, I didn't cry after that unless it really meant something. With age comes learning how to deal with your emotions properly, for everyone. Raw emotion is one thing, but trying to change the way you deal with things you cannot control is another matter entirely.
During my middle school years I would come home every day and then go upstairs to take a nap. I'd wake up after a couple hours and then do m school work (or not do my school work at all) and then have dinner with the family and watch TV and go to bed. Actually I would try to go to bed. Falling asleep was sometimes difficult due to the nap I had taken earlier in the day. I didn't know then what a problem this could be or even that it was one at all. Near the end of college I was commuting so rather than drive half an hour back home during my couple hour class break I would instead go (or simply stay there) to the library on south campus. The building went up about five levels and I liked to go up to the third or fourth floors to what I called the stacks. Thousands of books were arranged like any other library but there were also ancient cheap pleather couches that you could lay down on if you wanted to. I would use my bag as a pillow and close my eyes and think without falling asleep. I couldn't fall asleep because I had to be at class on time and didn't have a phone I could set an alarm on yet. I would stay and think about anything and everything. I'd work through problems I was having or think about things I wanted to do. It took me a little while to realize it, but I was refreshed upon leaving the stacks, and I didn't have the problem of falling asleep later that night. I use this method even today and it is a huge part of me being able to regulate and replenish how much mental energy I have during the day. It should be noted that mental energy and physical energy are two different things. I have strong muscles at most times because I work out, but if my brain has turned to mush after a long day then I won't be able to hold a conversation with anyone. The whole process of knowing how to deal with my mental energy opened a world of new possibilities for me in terms of what I could accomplish, if I so chose. But what does this have to do with tempering my brain, and what does that term I made up even mean?
Temper:Verb. improve the hardness and elasticity of (steel or other metal) by reheating and then cooling it and that is according to what Google gave me when I did a search just now. The way I'm using it is basically the same, just replace 'steel or other metal' with 'mind'. Your mind does not have to stay the way you think it is. You can make changes. I'm not saying it is easy, but you can do so if you try hard enough. I like to use the comparison (and I like using them in general) so that people can relate someone they know to be true to what I'm trying to get them to learn. I mentioned earlier that I work out. The first few times you do a workout it is going to be hard. After that your body gets used to it and adapts to the unique stresses being put on it. Still more time passes and you realize you can do much more than when you started. This is what you have to try to do with your brain. If you get mentally tired or even stressed during the first couple exposures to what you are trying to get better at, let's say be more comfortable around large groups of people, than that is expected. What you can't do, and what I used to and a lot of other people on the autism spectrum do is give up when it gets to be too much. I am not talking about just backing off or taking a break for the day, I mean that they avoid the situation at all costs. How do they expect to change? Change (given that this is what they seek) can only come about by continually throwing yourself into the fire, so to speak, and tempering your mind. It is not easy to do but once you get over the initial hump and see some results does the whole thing snowball and you find yourself being able to do things you never thought possible. Going back to the parallel of working out to further this, you need to change it up once again.
If you continue to work out doing the same routine over and over again your body hits what is known as the plateau effect, where gains will not occur anymore. What you need to do is vary the workout and hit different groups of muscles or the same ones, just with different moves. Exercising new muscles or the same ones in a different manner will elicit change again. This relates back to the brain by moving onto a different mental block or problem, let's say for example learning to drive a car. All the stressors are different. There are still people, but they are in cars with horns and moving much faster than if they were a group on foot. What you would do in this case is to learn to drive in an empty parking lot first, like I did, and then take it out to the open road. Usually this is done with a driving instructor to guide you. Oncer you are comfortable on the back roads and around your own town the highway should be your final goal. Things happen fast and you cannot afford to make mistakes. I can understand why people on the spectrum don't like driving. I tempered my brain to deal with it and, from dealing with other things using the same process (which I wasn't aware I was doing until I spent time on that pleather couch thinking about it) learned to do it very well. Nothing on the road scares me. Even when my brain is toast from a day of dealing with people driving is something I don't even have to worry about. I like to think it is a basic survival instinct for me, something that I can do even on mental autopilot. I have been driving for over ten years (got my license at 18, which is later than most), feel I am in complete control and experience very little stress when I'm on the road. It took a while, though, but once you get the ball rolling and refuse to give up you will see the results, if you want them. And you have to want to change, if you don't you will only be setting yourself up to fail. You have to want it. You might not be ready for one thing, but once you get better at something else it may help you to finally break through the initial stumbling block.
I can definitely say that sticking with things mentally has given me an edge over most people like myself. I feel as though I owe it to those who need help to give it to them, and why shouldn't I? Seeing people suffer inside their own minds is not easy for me to do. If I can help them I typically do, but some people are so resistant to change that it is out of the question. If you need advice how to get started then let me know. I think I can aid you in anything except how to pluck up the courage talk to women you don't know but are interested in more than just having a conversation with. If I take the training wheels off I'll be sure to help you with that once I have learned enough to really know what I'm talking about; just don't hold your breath on that particular subject with me.
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