Why I'm Awkward (Or at least think I am)

There is never one reason why. If I have learned one thing in life then it would be that everything is affected by everything else and nothing is an isolated incident. There is, of course, more than one reason that I am awkward.

I always tend to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, well, embarrassing to myself or someone else that is. It's like I don't even think it through before, all of a sudden, boom! it's out there. My brain has a mind of its out and it likes to prove that fact to me and anyone else in earshot. I always worry that there may be more than one of us in there. Trust me when I say that it feels great. I am better now at keeping that idiot under wraps.

I feel like I get looks from people everywhere I go. I feel like they're out to get me for some reason. Cops? Let's not even go there. I just feel like everyone knows all about me without even talking to me first, like there is just a clear spot in front of my brain that they can read everything that is going on as if it were a digital marquee at a theater. Anything they think they know is probably false, unless I've told them prior. I think its my lack of eye contact that enables them to be judgmental sort of the mindset of 'If you've met one then you've met them all'. This goes without saying that less know about me than those that truly do and the people that do know understand, as well as they can anyway.

I don't like how I can never seem to quite know what others are talking about without having to think it over first and by that time I have missed the point. This doesn't happen as often as it used to but every now and again I find myself lost in conversation.

It should be noted that the only true sports I find myself able to do are baseball and golf. The first one I excelled in, I even played in college. It was pitching, not hitting. As for golf, I can still hit it 275 yards after not being on a course for years. As for dancing, well, have you ever seen a cow being poked by a cattle prod? Just know that its a very unnatural motion. I run OK, until I get tired and begin to look like Carlton Banks dancing.

I could be described as awkward if you get to know me long enough. To most people though, I'm just a figment of their imagination, something they thought they saw until I somehow vanished, never to be seen again. Some wonder where I could had come from while others wonder where I could have gone.

My friends know me well enough that I'm not going to change and even if I could, they like me the way I am. I keep things loose and light and allow them to laugh, even for a short time, before getting back to their own problems. It goes both ways, as I can see their problems as something to both laugh at and learn from. We help one another through, that is just what friends do.

I have realized that I'm only awkward because I think I am so. In a way everyone is to everyone else, sort of like what I said by everything being interconnected in some odd way that you probably never thought of before. When the mind has time enough to think things over it can come to some interesting conclusions; and I reckon that's where the notion of me being awkward came from. Whether it was your brain, mine, or a combination of the two that came up with that answer remains to be discovered.

Questions or Comments? Let me know.