The Musical Escape

It's no secret that people use music as a way to relax. For me and many like me it can take on a whole new meaning. Music is personal. You can connect with it any way you chose. A lot of the lyrics are open to interpretation. It should be no surprise that you see a lot of people on the autism spectrum wearing headphones.

Music for me is sort of like a security blanket. I use it when I want to relax after a long day or just want to escape into my own little world. I like things that are constant. I have this one CD that I listen to when I'm working out in the basement. I just turn it on and do my thing. If I decide to change it I do so very little. Certain songs just seem to evoke feelings of euphoria and take my mind off some of the stress I put on my muscles when lifting. I think that if I can just do enough reps before or until I get to this point in the song I'll be happy with myself. Even when I played college baseball I went off on my own and didn't stick to my workout partner. (This was partly due to having to adjust some of the heights on the machines we were using because I'm short). I never needed a partner to push me into lifting more than I did the day or week before. During the winter I would work out at school and be alone most of the time. I'd bring my own CD and just go to it. If anyone I knew came in they would always wonder what I was listening to and, more importantly, why. People wonder how I can be motivated by 'Cortez the Killer' by Neil or 'No Quarter' by Zeppelin. I guess I should go buy myself an IPod. Some of the songs do pump me up like 'Trampled Underfoot' but I feeling comfortable in a relaxed state of mind is all I need to go about my business. I can see how the length of some of the songs like 'Achilles Last Stand' would maybe be too much of one thing for some people but I find the longer the more I can focus.

I realize that I don't listen to the same type of music that most of my peers, working out or otherwise. I discovered classic rock at about 13 and its been that way ever since. Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd and selected songs from most of the artists of the 60s-80s plus selections of 90s musicians dominate what I listen to. My biggest love in terms of music is Neil Young, hands down. I'm not going to go into detail now about Neil but will probably end up making him a subject of a latter post; and you'll see why when that time comes. One major theme with the music that I listen to is that it is done with instruments and not sound effects made in a studio. Some newer musicians do a good job playing guitar and I'm not taking anything away from them. I respect the craft of the rappers and others; I just chose not to listen to the vast majority. There is just something different about having to play an instrument(s) each time you perform a song live instead of just singing/rapping to a beat. It creates a lot of variation and having to move with the flow.

The main theme of the songs that I like is that there is a lot going on. Many of the Zeppelin/Floyd/Neil Young songs have fast beats and/or or other sounds coming from I don't know how many instruments. This type of over-stimulation is exactly what my brain craves. What my brain is able to do it multi task, in every sense of the world. I have conversations with people without even looking at them and other oddities of that nature. I count things compulsively when I get nervous or bored. The introduction of music stops all this. My brain is so into all the sounds coming from the music that there is no way that I could possible focus on anything else. I'm too busy processing all the sounds to care much about any bad that is going on in my life. The only exception is when I'm driving. Of course I pay attention to the road but I hardly ever refrain from moving my fingers up and down the steering wheel with the beat, as it playing guitar. I even throw in a head bob every now and again for good measure. Once I get going I'm like a little kid with his Raffi tape; I don't have a care in the world because I'm in my own place that my brain has created. If you haven't discovered how music can help you relax when you've had a long day then I suggest you just push play. I may need to augment this post and add some more thoughts in the future but for now just let me know what you think.

Games with Thy self

Having such a rapidly moving mind does have its drawbacks. I get bored sometimes. I'm not listing this as OCD because I'm not sure if it is. This may seem like a form of self induced anxiety. Let me explain. One thing I do is when I first wake up. I look at the clock and see what time it is. I think to myself that something bad will happen if I don't get out of bed before the time changes to the next minute. I hop out of bed with my eyes on the clock the whole time to see if it has changed or not. If it does before I get fully out I feel a quick sense of panic. This panic dissipates when I realize that nothing bad is going to or ever had happened due to my failure to get out in time. If I do get out in time, more often than not, I feel like I won for some reason.

I also do something similar to this when watching TV. This more often happens when watching sports. As the camera pans left to right in between the pitches of a baseball game I keep my mind on a place where I think the camera has enough time to get to. I silently hope that the announcer will not butt in because this means that another pitch is about to be delivered. Just like with the clock, if the camera does pan far enough to make it to the predetermined point then I feel relief. If it doesn't, a little bit of panic sets in. I also find it annoying when the camera stops right before the point I had chosen and rests there for a second to show something, knowing the whole time that if it kept moving it would have at least reached the point and maybe gone even further. I myself have no idea why I do this and have not come across it being discussed before.

The connecting with these two things is that there is a sense of panic when I don't make it and a feeling of relief when I do. I could probably highlight a couple more examples but I'm sure you get the idea. Back before I learned that it didn't matter whether I made it or not I felt as if something bad was going to happen. As I matured I learned not to care but continue to do it to this day.

Is it possible that I do I do this out of boredom? Maybe. I'd like to hear what you have to say on this matter. There is one good side effect that comes from the whole clock thing; it gets me out of bed.

Topics to discuss

I would like some topics that you want me to talk about related to Asperger's or my thoughts on anything you would like to know, either about myself or the way I think/perceive the world. The ball is in your court.