The Personal & Physical Traits of Aspergers Part 7: Non-verbal communication problems: Difficulty reading body language, facial expression and tone

This is the thing that people most often don't get about me, at least the ones in the know, which isn't many. Everyone else who doesn't know probably think I'm a feeb for not getting all of their signals. This is a huge problem for me, and you will soon see why. Everything I do that involves people usually has at least some non-verbal communication taking place. Some things don't involve a lot of talking, like being in lines at the super market or walking on the street. Using their eyes or head motions is how people tend to get the message across. Say I am walking on the street and am currently on a collision course with someone else. One of us is going to have to veer to the side in this game of 'chicken'. I tend to hold my ground but sort of jive to each side, slightly and with a "wait, which way are you going" look directed at the other person. I do this because if the roles were reversed and I had to read their expressions I might get it wrong and then one person has to stop or you both sort of crash into one another. I pretty much, without putting myself in danger, go where the people are not. I'm not going to walk into a car crowded street to avoid someone. I do a lot of weaving in and out to get where I need to go which is easy since I am still quite athletic. After all the walking is done I end up at a destination and then things really get interesting.

So at this point I have to deal with people face to face, I have no choice. I can sill either hide behind my sunglasses, granted I am wearing them, but for business deals I am forced to do a lot of unshielded eye contact. Even at this point I dart in and out with eye contact. My expression can remain lifeless if I am dealing with groceries but for real business I have to show some life. I then have to decipher what the other person is telling me and if I happen to be negotiating I have to either decide whether the deal benefits me more than it does them. The words they use are important and this is where tone comes into play. By what they say I can gauge whether I can/have to push a little harder or give up a little so that the deal actually gets done. This has taken me a while to grasp and if I didn't go through a lot of it I would be hopeless. Of course, when money is on the line I tend to step it up a notch and then go back to how I was mentally beforehand.

I have been told that I can't read between the lines, as it pertains to social situations. This is because I am so busy trying to decipher all the cues multiple people are giving me that some of the language they use gets either misinterpreted or missed outright. I often have to see movies twice to get a sense of why a particular character did something. As you can imagine it gets frustrating. I get a little better each year but then again its a year. There aren't the leaps and bounds you'd expect in how quickly this stuff can be learned by people on the spectrum. There is also the continuing fact that social interaction tires my brain faster than other people. All of the deciphering really takes a toll and by the end of the day I have a severely reduced mental capacity, meaning my critical thinking skills go out the window. I can still do the essentials like driving a car, so there is no danger there, but if I am forced into a social situation its not going to end well, unless the people I'm with like talking to a wall. This is why, when I am feeling this way, I isolate myself until it passes. I did this at lunch in every job I've ever been at and it works OK for a little more clarity to get me through the day, but in the end I always downgrade to not being able to function socially until I can get a larger chunk of alone time. I'll probably add some more but for now this should suffice.

Questions or comments?