In Plain Sight

Some of my friends are surprised to find out about me being an Aspy. I find it funny because the signs were right there in front of them. If only they had been looking for the right clues or knew they should be looking at all. True, they always could sense that there was something different about me, something they couldn't quite put their finger on; very much similar to how I felt growing up. I did a lot of things in plain sight that they might have noticed but shrugged off or didn't want to ask me about.

A lot of the times they asked me why I was so weird. I never seemed to respond the way they wanted me to. A couple of my college teammates knew because their parents told them. They kept it to themselves but didn't truly understand what it meant. They never brought it up and I never knew they had that knowledge until I told a couple of them. I thank them for their discretion. Some of them said I must be the best actor of all time to keep it hidden over my college years.

I learned a while ago the things that you can't tell people about yourself are the hardest things to keep. It is so obvious to you but they haven't a clue, and sometimes you just want them to understand. I refrained from telling people at my last job anything about it. I didn't want to deal with that. There were more than a couple moments when tell tale signs emerged and they thought it was something else that may have been on my mind. I'm sorry but there is no way they could have understood. I took enough crap while I was there and adding that would have forced me out sooner than I left.

I takes a lot out of you trying to blend in. I do a lot of things in plain sight but mostly when nobody is looking, at least I hope they're not. I just wish the world could give me more openings to be myself without looking at me odd for doing so. I don't really care what they think anymore anyway. Let them look.