At about seventeen I stumbled upon the game of poker. I had always been a fan of card games but Texas Holdem was a different animal. The strategy differed so much from any game that I had seen or played. It was also fascinating to watch on TV. I remember playing it for the first time and not having a clue what to do. It took a while but I got better. Even though I play for money in casinos there is the people element of the game that is still very important to me.
My Dad and I go up to Rockingham Park every other weekend or so and play in the tournaments up there. He buys me in and any money that we win is split. I don't know who realized it first but poker for me has become a way for me to understand and gauge people better. It is sort of tough to put into words. Not only am I around and socializing with people but in trying to figure out how they play the game I learn to what some of their signals mean. Some people do something when they bluff or have a good hand. If I can translate this into everyday situations (i.e. know what certain mannerisms of that person mean) then I can better get a feel for those around me. Poker, for me, acts as practice with people.
You would think that since people with AS are notoriously challenged with reading body language that I would be a sitting duck. That was the case at the beginning. Every time someone would ‘act tough’ my brain would take that as a fight or flight reaction and I would panic and fold my hand. I mean I knew about bluffing but the defense systems in my brain would override my knowledge of the game. By playing more poker I have decreased the anxiety I feel in that particular setting. I don't have a lot of people anxiety anymore, other than around women, but the money element of the game adds a little pressure.
When I got to Foxwoods I tend to play a limit Omaha 8 or Better game and then No limit Holdem. After playing Omaha for a few hours I was nervous at the beginning of the holdem game. It took me a couple hours to really get comfortable. Now I am more in tune and comfortable with what is going on and I feel much calmer. This may have been because I switched from a limit game, where you can only bet some of your chips, to a no limit game, where you can bet it all at anytime. The limits may have affected how I played at first but I can't be certain. Either way I am far comfortable at both games now.
Over the hours you tend to chat a little with the others at the table. The Omaha game I play in is ripe with an older crowd who don't mind calling even when they have a low percentage of winning and can also be bluffed at certain times. There is much more variability at the holdem game. I have to read people better and catalog there tendencies much better. When your whole stack is at stake you tend to make better choices. One thing playing poker has done for me is tempered my brain a little (if there is such a thing).
Normally at parties I am interacting and reading so many peoples body language that I have to take a break every so often. With poker I can go much longer with needing a break. The level of mental tiredness is felt less when at the poker table. I tend to play, both games combined, about 17 hours with about an hour break total for lunch and dinner. Dad does not mind staking me (supplying money) for this because he knows it will ultimately help me. I usually go to Foxwoods with $300 and play in the Omaha game and build up the bankroll before Holdem. This warms up my brain for the kind of thinking that will be done. I am assuming that as I get more accustomed to it I will be able to play holdem right off the bat. Then again I didn't drive two hours to go broke in twenty minutes.
This weekend I will be going to Foxwoods. I don't have any plans for Valentines Day (typical) so I will be taking a drive down by myself. I plan for it to be a lost weekend. Time will move on but I will cease to notice. I tried to get a room but they were all booked except for the expensive rooms. Even the motels nearby were booked/pricey. I'll only get a room if I win big. I'm going down on Friday and plan on staying to late Saturday early Sunday if things go well. I'll take a nap somewhere if I have to. You’d be surprised what your body can do when you need it to.
There are a few goals when I go on these trips alone. Self reflection/thinking about the book I'm writing, winning money and, of course, the adventure. I've met some characters there and had some fun experiences. On the way down I do not have the radio on and I can work through some of my problems on the way there and on the drive back. All the events are going to make for a fun chapter. Wish me luck!
Monday, February 8, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
"Communications Breakdown"
When I talk to someone I sort of try run the show. Not on purpose, though. I'll get going sometimes on something I'm saying and the person will lose interest. I keep going, unaware that they don't care as much about what I am saying as I am. This is known as a one sided conversation and I am a master at it, for better or worse.
It took me a while to realize that I did this. My mom had to tell me. Her saying something did not cure the problem, just brought it more to my attention. I'm a little better at picking up on a persons lack of interest, but I still could use some work. One thing that does not help in people understanding me is the rate at which I speak. It is very fast.
At first I thought that it was because I was pre-programmed for Spanish. I thought that for a long time. I realized that my brain was wired for speed and multi-tasking and the less time I spend on one thing the more I will have for another. It also does not help that I mumble and talk under my breath, the first being far more prevalent than the latter. Thoughts just seem to flow out of my mind at an alarming rate. If I were an animal I would probably be a squirrel who sat up in a tree jabbering away at anyone unlucky enough to come by. Sometimes I have interesting things to say, sometimes...
As I already explained with sarcasm there may be things that people say to me that I don't pick up right away. Have patience, its not like I'm trying to misunderstand you. Just give me a second to think things through. If I didn't care I would have already walked away.
Reading body language is something I'm starting to get better at. Like anything else it takes time. I know it comes naturally to You. As for me I have to work at it continually. As you have probably already guessed it took me a few times around to decipher what the mime was actually doing. After all it's not polite to ask questions during a silent performance.
Body language is fun to learn because you learn more about the people you are around and how they communicate. Each individual has a style all his own. The way that I connect body language with people is just like solving any other puzzle; I look at the whole situation and make sure all the pieces fit together before moving on. I have to look at the entire face and put weights each part of its expression. The entire eye area is my main focus, then the lips and cheeks. Hidden information though, can be anywhere so I keep alert for hand position/gestures.
If someone was to give me a sharp glance down or to either side I know that it means someone who could be listening or the person we are discussing could be about, and to shut up. You'd be surprised to see how long it can take someone to learn this. Of course, there are things that I learned naturally that you could never learn. I was given some gifts.
Other than learning and deciphering basic body language the old fashioned way there is a fun way to accelerate how you can read people. It can either be profitable or costly, it all depends how good you are. I'm talking about playing poker.
It took me a while to realize that I did this. My mom had to tell me. Her saying something did not cure the problem, just brought it more to my attention. I'm a little better at picking up on a persons lack of interest, but I still could use some work. One thing that does not help in people understanding me is the rate at which I speak. It is very fast.
At first I thought that it was because I was pre-programmed for Spanish. I thought that for a long time. I realized that my brain was wired for speed and multi-tasking and the less time I spend on one thing the more I will have for another. It also does not help that I mumble and talk under my breath, the first being far more prevalent than the latter. Thoughts just seem to flow out of my mind at an alarming rate. If I were an animal I would probably be a squirrel who sat up in a tree jabbering away at anyone unlucky enough to come by. Sometimes I have interesting things to say, sometimes...
As I already explained with sarcasm there may be things that people say to me that I don't pick up right away. Have patience, its not like I'm trying to misunderstand you. Just give me a second to think things through. If I didn't care I would have already walked away.
Reading body language is something I'm starting to get better at. Like anything else it takes time. I know it comes naturally to You. As for me I have to work at it continually. As you have probably already guessed it took me a few times around to decipher what the mime was actually doing. After all it's not polite to ask questions during a silent performance.
Body language is fun to learn because you learn more about the people you are around and how they communicate. Each individual has a style all his own. The way that I connect body language with people is just like solving any other puzzle; I look at the whole situation and make sure all the pieces fit together before moving on. I have to look at the entire face and put weights each part of its expression. The entire eye area is my main focus, then the lips and cheeks. Hidden information though, can be anywhere so I keep alert for hand position/gestures.
If someone was to give me a sharp glance down or to either side I know that it means someone who could be listening or the person we are discussing could be about, and to shut up. You'd be surprised to see how long it can take someone to learn this. Of course, there are things that I learned naturally that you could never learn. I was given some gifts.
Other than learning and deciphering basic body language the old fashioned way there is a fun way to accelerate how you can read people. It can either be profitable or costly, it all depends how good you are. I'm talking about playing poker.
Sarcasm is a One Way Street
The concept of sarcasm took me a while to understand. It was a part of language that I had not been on top of from an early age. I can recall someone saying something to me and then doing what they asked and them yelling at me for it. I did not pick up the most important part of what they were saying until I got older.
The tone of voice they used, very different from the way they said most everything else, was not something I could distinguish right away. It took a lot of me feeling stupid to figure it out. I still have to think about the message people are trying to get across and whether it makes sense in the context they are using it. That is the only way I can pick up sarcasm; by thinking about it, and sometimes it takes a little longer than they would like.
I myself am able to use sarcasm pretty well, but understanding it is a different matter. The subtlety is what plagues me. All those little nuances have to be interpreted by my brain and that takes a toll on me. You could call sarcasm a one way street for most people on the Autism spectrum. As far as reading between the lines goes, I'm at about the point that I was with sarcasm early on. Some skills, that other people take for granted, have to be learned over time by people like me. It should be easily understandable that I prefer people who use the least amount of sarcasm possible, or sometimes no one at all.
Questions or comments?
The tone of voice they used, very different from the way they said most everything else, was not something I could distinguish right away. It took a lot of me feeling stupid to figure it out. I still have to think about the message people are trying to get across and whether it makes sense in the context they are using it. That is the only way I can pick up sarcasm; by thinking about it, and sometimes it takes a little longer than they would like.
I myself am able to use sarcasm pretty well, but understanding it is a different matter. The subtlety is what plagues me. All those little nuances have to be interpreted by my brain and that takes a toll on me. You could call sarcasm a one way street for most people on the Autism spectrum. As far as reading between the lines goes, I'm at about the point that I was with sarcasm early on. Some skills, that other people take for granted, have to be learned over time by people like me. It should be easily understandable that I prefer people who use the least amount of sarcasm possible, or sometimes no one at all.
Questions or comments?
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