Parade of the Senses:Smell

As a youngster I went with my mom to many places. One type of place I always dreaded, and still do, is the Yankee Candle Shop. What is a sensual delight for many people who shop here is a nightmare for me. All of the fake smelling (I'll admit now that I love the Christmas cookie scent) candles and whatnot messed with my brain and made me feel physically sick. My head would begin to feel like I was coming down with a cold and pain would start deep in my forehead. I still can't stay in one of those stores for more than ten minutes. It's a combination of the smells and the strength of each one. Honestly, I'd rather headbutt a cactus than go there.

Any mint or cinnamon type of flavor from candy either makes my head hurt or produces and instant gag reflex, licorice is also horrible, another reason to hate jagermeister. As a kid those round peppermint candies or the Andes dinner mints were always a problem for me to even see people eat, lets not even discuss red hot candy hearts. I have gotten used to some of these smells over the years and it has lessened their effects on me. Perfume, stronger the worse it is, is something that I have had to get used to as well. Anything to strong, though, is an instant deal breaker. My own deodorant is just fine because I wear it daily and to be honest I don't think I ever had a problem with it.

Many people with AS suffers from sensory issues. The following came from an online article:

Children with Asperger’s Syndrome suffer from sensory sensitivity or are “sensory defensive”. This sensitivity can encompass any or all of the senses: sound, touch, taste, sight, and smell. These sensitivities are real, and cause the sufferer much discomfort, some describing it as ‘painful’. Sensory overload can trigger a meltdown, often being the ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’. Some sensitivity’s will diminish with exposure and the passage of time. Others will remain as severe for life.

I agree entirely with what is said here and I came to most of this conclusion on my own as I aged. The thing about scent is, its everywhere and there is nothing I can do about it. The only thing I can do is accept it. However, I don't mind waking up to the smell of bacon frying or fresh baked cinnamon rolls

Questions or Comments? Let me know.

Parade of the Senses:Hearing

Often in conversation, but only with people that know how I am, I look the other way, continue what I am doing or even watch TV. I do this for a couple reasons, the first being I not big on eye contact and the second, because I can. Go on test me, I can give you perfect feedback or advice on that story you just told me as watch something else happening. You can't rewind real life and I feel that the TV has made us think this is untrue. Real time events have to be captured by your brain as they happen and if you are unable to multi-task with seeing and hearing, you will surely miss out. Seeing may be believing but I also trust my auditory senses to make sure what I see as being accurate. The great thing about hearing or listening is that you can have your eyes closed. In this way you can better hear the lies your sight tries to tell you.

Ever since I was little my hearing has been second to none. Just as I do with my eyes I notice things others cannot. Some of what I hear though, is not my choice. I have always been able to hear static-like sounds or a strange buzz-hum noise. When trying to sleep my heartbeat in my ear keeps me awake. I sometimes hear a tone that gets louder before fading away, like it was never there. This may be Tinnitus (as the last part in the definition states "or even a pure steady tone like that heard during a hearing test ") but I'm not entirely sure because it has always been an issue for me. I have not had any ear trauma that I can recall and I'm too young to be going deaf. Besides there is the fact that I can hear better than most of the population to begin with. So why do I hear things others may overlook? It may be that I have trained myself to do so.

When I first began metal detecting I had to distinguish between a good sound and a bad one. I had to interpret what my machine was telling me, even very limited amounts of information. Many of the signals I am after aren't right on top of the ground, they are deep, and the corresponding noise that happens when I walk over them almost non existent. Even the new machine I have doesn't show anything on the screen (gotta love a target ID system) but a slight, and I do mean slight, change in the threshold or back tone of the machine. When I notice this slight interruption I instantly recognize that I must re scan the area I had just passed over, sort of like taking a step back to think about things before moving forward. Also, let it be know that coins are not always perfectly face up or down in the ground, they may have gone down at any number of angles, making the signal sound askew. When I hear that slight interruption I have to go over at a few different angles to determine whether or not it is worth digging up. I have learned to listen well because digging 10 inch holes, besides taking a while, can also be messy. What raw hearing ability I used to have has most certainly been honed over the last 13 years out in the field or on the beach. My finds over that period also show this to be true.

One of the things I like to do most with my hearing is listen to music. Heck, I'm listening to some as I type this. Even in songs I like to listen past the typical sounds you can hear and tune into the background noises of the music. The song I have on at the moment, Bitter Sweet Symphony by The Verve has sort of an older cell phone ring somewhere in the back of it that presents itself at various times. But, much like what could be happening with Tinnitus, I may only think I'm hearing this noise. That or I'm going insane and have been since day one.

One link that music has with AS is that it can have a calming effect on people like me. I have seen a lot of autistic people wear headphones, and although this may be protection from the louder sounds of the outside world, they often have music playing. Going back to detecting for a moment, the headphones I wear cancel outside noise so I only hear what I want to. In fact I participated in a study in college that had me listen to some random music and then a CD of my own choosing. I was hooked up to a heart monitor at this time and the test was only for people on the autism spectrum. I think they were trying to link up how music affect people with AS and just how it did so.

Music for me is mostly classic rock. I like it because it has identifiable instruments, not something made by a computer. My favorite songs are the ones that have a lot going on, especially guitar. A lot of Zeppelin songs, Pink Floyd, CCR, 24 or 6 to 4 by Chicago and too many songs to list by my favorite artist, who shall remain nameless as this time, have me almost under a spell as I have an eargasm or two. (I know that is not a real world, but it should be.) I can simply sit there and tap my fingers or track each note in my mind as anything I've been thinking about instantly slips away. That is one of the reasons music is so good for people of the autism spectrum; forgetting your fears or any anxiety you are feeling, even briefly, can be huge. All you have to do to prolong it is to play another song.

Whether it be use in everyday life or simply enjoying a song or two hearing is one of the most important components in my everyday life. Without it I would truly be lost.

Questions or comments? Please let me know.

Parade of the Senses:Sight

They say that blind people have all of their other senses heightened. AS has had a similar effect on me and how I perceive the world around me. Let's start off with sight.

The first thing I do when I enter a room is to look around. This is a habit I picked up in high school I guess. Like a hunter-gatherer I look around for friends or anyone I know before taking a seat somewhere. I survey the situation and then make my choice based on how comfortable I feel that day. If I need to be alone then that is how I remain. I'll look up and give a nod or a wave before sitting down just so friends know I have at least seen them. People who know me accept that I do this. Each new person who enters the room is gone over with the eyes at once and I ALWAYS sit in a position that allows me to see most everyone else. This whole thing may seem like a primal instinct; I assure you that it is.

My vision has always been based off of movement, but not like a T-Rex, more like an eagles. I see and notice most everything. You could call it my job. Basically the above situation where I look at everything in a room and get comfortable with my surroundings first is where I trained myself to notice things in greater detail. I'll know if you have gotten a haircut or even simply pulled your hair back that day. Some sort of trigger in my brain can tell this difference in an instant. Its so precise that I don't mind telling you so, and it takes me a lot to put my thoughts out there unless invited. Women love this type of compliment, naturally. Places have a similar way of existing in my mind that is, if something were to change, I would know quickly. It's just a feeling I get and this helps me to recognize the fact that something has been altered and then I can accept it so I can remain at ease. When I don't know what is going on then I get edgy.

People can confuse knowing that things have changed with a photographic memory. I have told people where things used to be but that is only because they are not their anymore or across the room. I can't describe in detail what the item looks like without seeing it in front of me, but once I see it I can recall its every curve for the most part. Make sense?

When you look closely at everything you also have a way of seeing what others miss. I love to try and find things and am able to think outside the boundary of typical imagination in order to solve a problem. It's fun and challenging at the same time and also makes me able to think faster than most people. I can see something and recognize it quickly and then figure stuff out quicker than normal. I use 'normal' because I haven't been tested for what makes this happen, just that it is done at a noticeably better rate than anyone around me. If it sounds like I'm bragging, its because I am and anyway its one of the few things I'm proud about.

My vision allows me to do a lot of things such as noticing and being able to put things and facts together faster than most people. By noticing I can preserve myself and the situation around me so that I feel comfortable in strange places. It is part of my defense mechanism but only a small part in the grand scheme of things; the rest of the senses have a say in that.

Upcoming Posts on the 5 Senses

Shortly I will be posting a few separate posts on each of my five senses and how they work a little differently than yours may. I will also detail how these are possible affected by AS or heightened because of it. People say that if you loose your vision then all of the other senses become heightened. I have my vision but I feel that every sense I have is above normal. Hopefully by the end of the posts you will see why.

Red Sox Collapse

Last night was one of the most dumb-ass evenings in the history of Boston sports. The Red Sox lost not only their own game, but a shot at a wildcard birth. The Yankees and Rays played contraceptives in that effort. I watched the whole thing go down and I'm still stunned. In a way it was the polar opposite of 2004.

The blame game on this one could rage on for months but I don't think firing Francona will solve it. Under him the Red Sox have had the second highest winning percentage, most playoff games won and most world series titles; all of which are across MLB. It was simply put, a team wide choke. That's all I have to say about that.

My Cat Crosby

Since I was young I've had either a dog, a cat or both. When I was around 15 we were living on Salem street and both of our cats had died. I'm not sure but it may have been a fisher cat (our neighbor down the street came out to his cat being slashed up by one a year before). However Ginger and Gilligan went I do not know for sure but I was left without a cat. A couple of months went by before my mom decided to do something about it.

I came home from school one day and my mom asked me to get the mail. As I walked up to the box I heard a pawing and whining noise that was the all to familiar sound of a kitten. Quickly opening the box I found a kitten. The little ball of fur was brown black and gray with a tiger pattern. I was smitten at once with the little guy. I was listening to a lot of CSNY at that time and decided after a couple days to name him Crosby.

As far a what type of cat he is, he was adopted from a shelter, so we can't say for sure although he has the markings, size and features of a Maine Coon. He likes to be outside a lot.

For a while there I kept him in my room, as is standard with most kittens, before letting him explore the house. Each day I came home from school I would run upstairs and play with him. Soon he began to go outside and explore the wild expanse of our yard and surrounding woods. When we moved about a year later there was no problem with him adjusting to a new area. There were still woods for him to play in and other animals to try and eat.

He was always good at killing things. He would drop mice off near the side door or leave a present to be found somewhere, but always outside. One time I went to turn the gas on in my workshop and I found a large headless squirrel behind the tank. Another time, more recently it was an absolute down pour as I arrived home. I saw him out by the side door and he was crouched over something. Normally I would never see him outside in the rain unless he was under a car or the little stone seat he uses for shelter on occasion. This time Crosby was eating a mouse full tilt like there was no tomorrow. I had never seen him do that, what with the rain in all. On the other hand he has been at times hunted.

Crosby cam back on day and it was evident by the blood soak that something either had him or tried to slash his throat. I couldn't see the actual wound but it healed fine all the same. He still has a little bump where it was. Although not from an animal Crosby did have some sort of infection on his ear that made it fill with blood and bob like a balloon whenever he moved it. The vet said that we could do surgery or just sort of cut it and then stick it up. We chose the latter and after it had healed his ear was shrunken to about a third of its original size. This probably happened nine years ago. Other than the ear, Crosby looks fine.

As far as cleanliness Crosby takes great pride in his appearance. He cleans his coat for hours on the couch or outside. Anytime he gets wet I dry him off with a towel and he loves that, or a nice brushing once in a while. He has a thick coat and can sometimes have a problem with hairballs.

As far as cats go they come trained, almost. They use a little box at a young age and there isn't much mess with them as a puppy would be. There are, however, ways that they can train you. Crosby figured out a long time ago that if he is to scratch at the screen he will be let in. He has ruined a lot of screens over the years., much to moms chagrin. He generally goes in or out ten times a day. He can be indecisive on whether he wants to be in or out and it can get annoying. Often he will come in, eat for two minutes and then ask to go out again. During the summer months he will stay out for a very long time, sometimes not coming back all day. I thought I lost him a couple times during the summer only to have him come waltzing back as if he didn't care. Whenever the dogs go out he will, too, and sort of mill around while they do their business. He will then come in again with them because he knows that treats are given out at that time. He'll jump up onto the counter and sit pertly waiting for me to give him a treat. Sometimes I give him cat nip, but he can be a mean drunk in terms of swatting at the dogs or anyone who's within range.

On evenings he is left inside, Crosby will, the following morning, walk upstairs and then scratch my door until I attend to him. Sometimes I give him a drink from the bathroom sink, which he is adept at using. He is surely one alarm clock that has no snooze button and he often waked me up at 5am.

For a cat over 10 years old ( I think he's around 11) he does well. He may have slowed down a little but he still has plenty of pep in his step. He naps more nowadays but he still kills on a regular basis. He is the oldest cat I've had and no other could replace him. I'll probably shed a couple tears when he does pass on but hopefully that won't be for a while.

That's all I have for now, I'll add some more on him soon in case I forget anything.

Looking back at 9/11

As you all know the 10th anniversary or 9/11 was Sunday. I chose to write this post on a Tuesday, even though its not the proper date it is the day of the week that it happened.

The whole thing was unexpected and was something no one could prepare for. I was sitting in Ms. Smiths' English class and things were typical of any day at school. Kids were doing their work or listening to the teacher talk and some went out to the bathroom. There was only one hall pass to do so and we'd eagerly await our own turn to roam the halls for a while, I mean go to the bathroom. It was either Phil Perkins or Chris Vining who came back in from the hall and he said something to the effect of "All the other classes have their TV on". This struck all of us as odd. We switched ours on and we saw a building in flames. I'm not sure if we knew what was happening at the moment, it was all a blur. We may have seen the second plane hit, but its all hazy so I'll have to ask someone else in class. Either way, everyone was silent. We didn't know what to think as all the reports were coming in about other hijacked planes. I think that everything after that was a blur, even to me. Each class from that time on all students did was watch the TV. There could have been a school announcement made, I don't know. The next day we did the same thing and jut watched TV in most classes and had discussion about what went on.

This whole set of events was our generations JFK. It didn't seem possible that it could happen. We had seen war footage and bombings on TV in other countries but when it hit home it made me go numb. I was awestruck that it had taken place. This Sunday I was watching footage of the planes hitting the towers and it took me right back to that day. I asked myself countless times 'did that really happen" then and now, expecting the outcome to change somehow. It did happen but part of me is almost afraid to let it register. I don't get sad about it, I just pissed that something so bad could happen on US soil.

That is all I have for now. If anything comes up about this topic I'll let you know.