Tuesday, January 28, 2014

The Personal & Physical Traits of Aspergers Part 7: Non-verbal communication problems: Difficulty reading body language, facial expression and tone

This is the thing that people most often don't get about me, at least the ones in the know, which isn't many. Everyone else who doesn't know probably think I'm a feeb for not getting all of their signals. This is a huge problem for me, and you will soon see why. Everything I do that involves people usually has at least some non-verbal communication taking place. Some things don't involve a lot of talking, like being in lines at the super market or walking on the street. Using their eyes or head motions is how people tend to get the message across. Say I am walking on the street and am currently on a collision course with someone else. One of us is going to have to veer to the side in this game of 'chicken'. I tend to hold my ground but sort of jive to each side, slightly and with a "wait, which way are you going" look directed at the other person. I do this because if the roles were reversed and I had to read their expressions I might get it wrong and then one person has to stop or you both sort of crash into one another. I pretty much, without putting myself in danger, go where the people are not. I'm not going to walk into a car crowded street to avoid someone. I do a lot of weaving in and out to get where I need to go which is easy since I am still quite athletic. After all the walking is done I end up at a destination and then things really get interesting.

So at this point I have to deal with people face to face, I have no choice. I can sill either hide behind my sunglasses, granted I am wearing them, but for business deals I am forced to do a lot of unshielded eye contact. Even at this point I dart in and out with eye contact. My expression can remain lifeless if I am dealing with groceries but for real business I have to show some life. I then have to decipher what the other person is telling me and if I happen to be negotiating I have to either decide whether the deal benefits me more than it does them. The words they use are important and this is where tone comes into play. By what they say I can gauge whether I can/have to push a little harder or give up a little so that the deal actually gets done. This has taken me a while to grasp and if I didn't go through a lot of it I would be hopeless. Of course, when money is on the line I tend to step it up a notch and then go back to how I was mentally beforehand.

I have been told that I can't read between the lines, as it pertains to social situations. This is because I am so busy trying to decipher all the cues multiple people are giving me that some of the language they use gets either misinterpreted or missed outright. I often have to see movies twice to get a sense of why a particular character did something. As you can imagine it gets frustrating. I get a little better each year but then again its a year. There aren't the leaps and bounds you'd expect in how quickly this stuff can be learned by people on the spectrum. There is also the continuing fact that social interaction tires my brain faster than other people. All of the deciphering really takes a toll and by the end of the day I have a severely reduced mental capacity, meaning my critical thinking skills go out the window. I can still do the essentials like driving a car, so there is no danger there, but if I am forced into a social situation its not going to end well, unless the people I'm with like talking to a wall. This is why, when I am feeling this way, I isolate myself until it passes. I did this at lunch in every job I've ever been at and it works OK for a little more clarity to get me through the day, but in the end I always downgrade to not being able to function socially until I can get a larger chunk of alone time. I'll probably add some more but for now this should suffice.

Questions or comments?

Monday, January 13, 2014

The Personal & Physical Traits of Aspergers Part 6: Idiosyncratic Attachment to Inanimate Objects

This is a story I like to tell that illustrates this trait very well.  Back when I was eleven years old, Andover Youth Services had a trip scheduled for Good Times in Somerville, MA, just outside of Boston and not too far from home. I had been there before with my family, sans mom, and we had a blast. They had every kind of game imaginable including bowling and laser tag. So with that in mind I signed up for it. As the bus pulled in to the parking lot anticipation was almost at its height. The mad dash off the bus and through the doors had it reach boiling point. I recall seeing a sign and truck outside as I ran in that Mortal Kombat 4 would be making its stop on a world premier, or something like that. The fact the game was there was quickly overshadowed by a veritable candy-land of games. After that things went hazy for a while as we all set about to play our favorite games, after getting quarters from the many available change machines, of course. After about an hour or so the excitement had died down a little and I was out of change. I went yet again to go get quarters but this time the machine gave me something I will never forget.

After inserting my money a whole bunch of quarters came flowing out. One of them made a peculiar sound for some reason so I thumbed through to see which one had done so. It didn't take me long to figure out which one it was; this coin looked different but I had no idea why, at least at the time. There was something about the color of it, a sort of whitish hue that I had never seen or ever possibly noticed before in all of the other quarters I had ever held before. I checked the date on the coin and it read 1964. I then made a decision that very few children would even consider, let alone do; I put the coin in my back pocket where it would remain until I got home. After that I resumed playing every game I could until the money ran out. I then went in the newly forming line and was one of the first ten kids to play MK4. The new features of that game quickly had the attention of my young mind.

Once I got home I took the coin out of my pocket and showed it to my mother to ask her about it. She told me that it was a silver quarter and that she had found a few of them at the bank when she was working there back in the day. So I had my answer; it was a silver coin from long ago that other people had looked over for over thirty years before it had reached an eleven year old boy who knew there was something 'curious' about it. From then on I was on the search for silver coins although they came few and far between. Every silver coin I see captures my attention and I can remember going to my favorite coin shop and wading through tons of the stuff, a smiling never leaving my face as I did so. To this day I carry three silver coins in my pants pocket at nearly all times, one of which is a 1964 quarter. When I think back even further I realize that I really admired the gold and silver crayons which were included in those monster packs quite a few of us had in school, although I never really used them because they weren't practical in everyday coloring. I think I revered them too much to even do so. That may have been where it started and then the coin put me over the edge. The next thing to capture my eye was my mom's jewelry, which she always had a good deal of.  The feel and sound of the gold and the noise it made when it jingled always captured my attention, not to mention the sparkle of the diamonds she wore all the time.

At around thirteen I began metal detecting so I could find my own silver coins as well as jewelry on my own. I have spent many hours 'hunting' old yards, parks, and of course the beach where the majority of my gold has been found. The hobby has given me a lot of great memories and eaten up a lot of my time over the years. More than anything, though, it was a way to continue to constantly fulfill my need of silver and gold, along with the various other objects I found. But going back to the subject of diamonds there is
actually one she still does wear  that I remember from my youth; a stunning 1.29 ct round center stone that was re-cut from 1.50 cts due to a chip in around the girdle. I've looked up prices, which is very easy for me to do (for those not yet in the loop as to my profession), and it is an $8,000-10,000 stone. Beside it sits two smaller 42.5 point stones (roughly 2/5 ct each) in a solid platinum setting, which I made entirely by hand from one "bar" of platinum (see the pictures below). When her and I were going over what setting the stones would go into the other options were very pricey, averaging $1,500-2,500. I took the initiative to make the setting myself and getting the main stone re-cut, buying the side stones and making the setting were a way that I paid some back rent to my mother, and she is very happy with the ring. So my obsession with precious metals paid off and became my career, who knew. Obviously we all want to do something we are passionate about but not many people are ever able to do what they truly love. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones.

Every time I hold a piece of silver, gold or platinum in my hand I always admire it as if it were even more valuable than it really is. I am not sure that if I was born back when silver and gold was actually money I would have felt this way but even with repeated exposure to them I still get excited each time I handle a piece. I love to flip the three coins I carry around with me just to hear the sound they make. I can and have looked at these items for hours sometimes and I never really knew that was a possible trait of AS before reading about it. Truthfully, I just thought I was a weirdo.

Questions or comments? Let me know.